What a girl wants?

I remember browsing through a lifestyle magazine some time ago and came across a page that read "What a girl wants" and on the next page, "What a guy wants".

On it displayed various desirable items that a girl and a guy would want as a present respectively... and its supposed to act as a 'guide' of some sort to friends or potential suitors (either gender, either way.. i think i don't have to elaborate that much ;))

On the girl's want list include dainty quainty shoes and small handbags as well as dresses.
On the guy's want list, on the other hand, include sports gear and sunglasses.

At that moment, I really tried hard to imagine if I would ever put those items on my want list.. since I am a girl, as defined by biology, by my parents who didn't dress me up as a boy when I was an infant and would buy dolls for me instead of toy guns and toy cars and... also by the larger society.

Nope, I thought. Dress me up like that and I'll probably look like Godzilla cross-dressed :P. Most importantly, I think I'll feel totally not at ease. I do like my trusty jeans and sneakers just fine.

But does it make me any less of a 'female'? At least I don't think so... but maybe the creators of that lifestyle magazine might think so.

What is femininity anyway?
Is it determined by how you dress?
Is it determined by your aura and the way you carry yourself?
Then why are people who fight for women's rights called 'feminists'?
Does it make them more 'feminine' than all other women?
Is the word 'feminine' positive or negative then if 'feminist' carries a bad connotation to it?

Well, I have no direct answer to this either.

All I know is, if I were to wear skirts or dresses and heels to school then climb under the console desk or move all around to set up or keep equipment, it will only 'pian yi' the guys there (not as if there's anything good to see hahahah though).

I won't call it femininity, but stupidity instead.

In case anyone's wondering if I'm a feminist.. maybe I am? I never really thought of it.
And I'm not condemning femininity in this blog entry either but I believe that there are times and places to be feminine and other times and places to not be.

We don't necessarily have to conform to the rules made up by conventional society. So long as we feel comfortable the way we are and being who we are, that's how we should be.

To the writers of that article in the lifestyle magazine, I just have to say.. you should break out of gender stereotypes because not all the women of this age are not just hankering after dainty stuff nor the men just striving to be macho sporty kings.

Before I end this... what's on my own want list now?

An amp and an electric guitar!! hahah ^_^ \/

Take a seat

Language is an interesting subject to study.. I mean, no language exists without society, whether in the human or animal kingdom.

Why suddenly talk about this?

Yesterday while we were at Macdonalds buying some burgers to 'take-away', the staff very kindly asked us to 'take a seat' while we were waiting for our burgers.

And so, being well accustomed to our culture and understanding phrases such as 'take a seat' in the english language, we knew that he was asking us to make ourselves comfortable by sitting down while we waited.

But.... being the quirky cheeky me, I told SH,
Flo: "so, which seat do you like? the red one or the white ones? he said we can take a seat"
SH: "how about the baby chair?"
SH: "lets ask if we can take a table too"
Flo: "i wonder if he'll still let us take a seat after we have taken the burgers?"

Of course we were at one side being crazy and snickering, but soon handed the burgers which we did 'take away'.. without taking any seat away from that Macdonalds.

There are just so many other words and phrases that we use in everyday life without really thinking that we have all been so socialised into being able to understand the proper protocols and behaviours associated with them.

See if you can pick any out in your next conversation with someone?

humility

This will be a lazy blog entry coz I will be off to work soon haha.. buut also becoz 2 words suddenly came to my mind, 2 words that to me truly represented the essence of Mayday and why it could make arm-chair supporters like us get up and enjoy the music along with them.

Just these 2 words,
謙虛

I think these 2 words can bring alot of us through life.

What is the point of fame if you are scorned for being proud and showy?
If their music was meant to touch the hearts of people, they have done so very successfully through their humility :)

And yes, true happiness comes from being humble (at least its something I choose to believe in).

The past and the present

Reading jac's blog made me think about the choices I've made in the past. In answer to your blog... I've sometimes wanted to go back to the past too, but its really more to relive the most beautiful memories again.. rather than to really change anything about myself.

After leaving my honors program to go in search of something else.. something that at that time I really didn't know what it was when I gave up the possibility of a shiny new honors degree that others didn't even have the opportunity to try for.

That period was tough, trying to convince my parents, especially my mum. I mean, I've been too much of a good kid all along, studious and always carrying good grades home. Of course I got my material rewards.. but inside, I was hungry for a different sort of development in my life. Which was why, my sudden announcement to quit honors... was quite a terrible blow to my parents (didn't help that my cousin who was also in nus didn't get offerred to do honors).

Well, the point is... I pushed myself all the way through with assignments and exams until the last exam when my father finally gave in. And yup, I almost did complete half of that honors program except for the one paper where I simply didn't turn up to take... the feeling was great, you'll have to believe me for this one hahah.

I felt set free, after all the months of wondering and thinking and talking to my parents, as well as my all so supportive friends. But at the same time, I began to think... what next?

It was probably fate that led me to study the course that I would do next..

That didn't come easy as well, I was met with another hurdle.. having to resign from the job that I took up after leaving nus. I had to fulfill the one mth resignation notice period but then lessons were already starting. That led me to miss 2 weeks of classes but I managed to catch up eventually.

Throughout that period, and even now, many have asked me if I ever regretted my choice. I can only say, no. It was a choice I would never have regretted... otherwise I wouldn't have learnt and seen so much.. nor met so many people I would never have met in a conventional Singaporean's educational and career path.

I can't say for sure if this was the best choice I could have made in my life, but at least I never regretted the experiences I had in the past 2 years...

And, I never felt that my half a year in honors was a waste of time either, because it opened my eyes.. to step out of convention, to step out of what I always believed the right path should be, to step out of walking in a straight line...

And so, I thank my professor for telling me (I hope he doesn't come read this blog entry though! haha)... "if you feel that you've got something better out there to do [outside of class], then go do it!". At that time, my friend next to me, gave me a nudge in the arm.... and yup, from that moment I knew it. I would go do that 'something' that is meant for me to do all my life.

welcome to the family!

in exchange for $22 and 3 previously spoilt keyboards, is my newest black logitech keyboard hahah... (praying hard it won't spoil again).

And so my dear friends can quit the idea of getting it for my bday hahaha. Thank you jean for counting how many times i needed to paste my 'p's in my previous post! now i can post them as much as i want heheh
pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp!!

my mouse has just been introduced to its 4th new neighbour within 2 years, and they're getting along pretty well. ain't that great news?

my fingers though, aren't getting along very well with them, coz i'n not very used to them yet... each time i try to type the ', i press enter instead... but i'm sure over time, they'll accept each other better (yes, I know i'm getting lamer by the day =P)

i'm warming up.. will blog again soon =D

I need a new keyboard!

My previous attempt to blog normally was defeated by not being able to type normally on my keyboard. ya, its my computer keyboard.. not my electronic music keyboard hehehhe... ; )

So b4 i can blog normally again.. i need to get a new one haha.. hard to type a stream of consciousness while trying to paste in letters here and there...

And to my most dearest, loveable, ke ai friends who wanna SHARE to buy me a keyboard on my birthday, I love you guys for being so kind to me but i can buy it on my own hahaha (so cheap you know... =P).

You guys can consider the other stuff on my wish list like new good speakers, an electric guitar is also not bad.. but need to throw in an amp hahah (I can imagine you all just closing this window right now).

Close it! Quick!

I think I will have no friends on my birthday haha...

Oh well, but at least I'll still have a new keyboard in due time..
Had enough of trying to copy and paste stuff to form proper sentences =_=

免驚！免驚！嘸免驚！

Firstly, sorry to those pple I gave a big scare hahah.. its nothing really serious.. but at the same time, it is serious because we decided to change our lives a little.. and change the way we have always done things a little.

No anger, no tears, but the realisation that we both had to walk our own lives individually in order to be really together.

Or maybe its me?

I just had the urge to really want to finally finish what I had set out to do. I didn't want to float around so much because I never really did so in all the years of my life before.

Its my own belief that we should always strive to progress and make meaning out of our own lives that has probably been putting alot of pressure on him (which led him to comment thats y some guys prefer to have gfs who are less clever than them..)

Or maybe he too has a problem with me? =P

This is an arrangment that we have come up with, I don't even know how to describe it.
I will just be doing more things on my own than always looking to him for company.. and I will be imposing less expectations on him too..

It is perhaps because we have fully understood each other and our different working styles, our different wants in life, and our different lifestyles, that we felt the need to do this.

The things that are most on my mind now, are just to finish my degree and do a good job at the studio (as I told him yday).. I'm really not those type of girls who will be contented sitting at home or waiting for myself to be fed.

I have faith in us, but it is just coming to terms with the fact that we cannot always be us, we need to be him and me.... 2 different individuals.

you and me

Its funny how even pple can get tired of each other too. I guess we need a break from being 'us', to becoming 'me' and 'you' once again.. to relive our lives, not in the shadow of each other's expectations, to be able to learn to walk on our own even without constant support from another.

I'm not used to walking alone, after so long, but I'm learning. I'm trying to re-find that independence I once had. I always hated eating alone, but I've been doing that quite often for the past 2 weeks without feeling out of place and lost.

I'm an ambitious person and there are alot of things I want to achieve, alot of dreams that I hope to see fulfilled.. and to do this, I need to learn to do it alone, not thinking that I always need someone to 'accompany' me through everything.

I think this will help us to grow mentally too. But during this period, I hope both of us find ourselves and understand ourselves better.

Like I said, we are best friends and best friends don't breathe down each other's necks.

I'm glad we see things the same way now. I'm gonna work hard to finish what I gotta finish and you have my very best wishes too, in whatever you may choose to do.

If we're meant to be, we will be :), this is what I fully believe in.

sometimes love just ain’t enough

Listen to the midi: (http://www.freemidi.org/download/939.html)

I don’t wanna lose you,
I don’t wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side

And I don’t wanna hate you
I don’t wanna take you
But I don’t wanna be the one to cry

That don’t really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door

But there’s a danger in loving somebody too much
And it’s sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust
There’s a reason why people don’t stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain’t enough

Now I could never change you
I don’t wanna blame you
Baby you don’t have to take the fall

Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all

It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something’s gonna change

But there’s a danger in loving somebody too much
And it’s sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust
There’s a reason why people don’t stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain’t enough

And there’s no way home
When it’s late at night and you’re all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where I used to lay

And there’s a danger in loving somebody too much
And it’s sad when you know it’s your heart they can’t touch.
There’s a reason why people don’t stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just ain’t enough.

Baby sometimes love just ain’t enough.

What if?

Somebody sort of posed this question to me today.

What if Mayday decided to leave the music industry?

I always believed that nothing lasts forever and "我永遠支持你"... that 永遠' is not realistically possible, much as we would like to romantically believe it is.

Nothing is truly forever, so to speak.

I really thought hard about this question... and I tried to imagine the one day that they may announce the inevitable.

I would be sad, of course, who wouldn't be? But I know I wouldn't cry because for such passionate music makers to come to such a decision, would mean that they have found a better direction for themselves and their own lives.

I won't be used to the fact that they wont' appear on news and tv as often anymore, but I'll get accustomed because I believe that they will continue to release their music independently somehow or another.

So, they won't come to Singapore anymore too?
I'm actually quite alright with that... because I can turn back to look at all the beautiful memories of the past. And I know, being the wonderful pple that they are, they will never ever forget all of us, their fans, each and every one, in their own special ways.

Its something I believe because if you love music that much, you won't be able to just stop creating music like that.

If they ever wanted to leave, it would be to leave the gossips & rumours.. to leave the publicity stincts and tiring entertaining that they have to do... to leave the scrutiny of everyone's prying eyes wherever they go... to leave having to answer questions about their personal lives that they wish to keep private.

In short, its something they probably wanted all along... privacy and freedom.
I'm already thankful to them for losing their privacy and freedom for us, the fans.. to make such a difference in my life.. for me to get to know him and the bunch of crazy siao char bors... for me to give up a metal ricebowl for a clay one but never losing hope of my own dreams. Yes, I am already very thankful for that.

So, ask yourself, what if Mayday had to leave this commercial industry someday?

Would you be crying to have them back or happy for them and wishing them all the best in their new found direction?

Lets go on strike, shall we?

In the wake of the anti-jap protests in Korea and China, I begin to wonder why we can't ever have something like this in Singapore. I mean ,this is an issue that has alot to do with us.. the time of our grandparents, on the very soil that we live on, work on and play on everyday, but yet, we simply choose to remove ourselves from this issue altogether.

If a protest like that ever happens here, I must be in a dream.

Ask a Singaporean to go on strike, and he/she will start wondering whether their leave will be approved or whether its worth wasting those days of leave, that can be used on holidaying at the end of the year.

Another considerable worry would be whether their rice bowl would be broken, coz they might go to jail for protesting and get fired in the process.

Or as I was telling SH... you'll eventually get banned from going to NTUC or Cheers, chased out of their HDB flats, not even allowed to sleep in national parks or void decks. You can't take the public transport.. and the only cabs you are allowed on are transcab and the other privately owned ones. The only handphone provider you can have would be M1 and you can't even apply to any internet provider because even pacific internet makes use of singnet's servers.

Scary thought isn't it?
How do you survive then? Work for an MNC, shop at cold storage or carrefour and rent a room at hotel 81 maybe?

But then who goes to hotel 81, unless you wanna sleep like a baby there or watch soccer =P.

Well, the case is, we are so obedient and law abiding that any government in the world would love to rule us. We do not create trouble, we are busy maintaining our own ricebowls, we make some noise once in a while (yup, we squeak but we don't even bark loud enough), and we like to think that we have made our own views known (just like the remote ulu kalimantan speakers corner that helps reinforce such beliefs).

The public transport costs have gone up, we have complained, we have been shocked, but have we done anything more than that?

The debates on the casino are on and once again we have expressed disapproval, we have shaken our heads non stop, but have we done anything more than that?

I admit, I am a well-trained scardy cat singaporean myself because if you'll ask me to walk out onto the streets alone to protest, I wouldn't do it.

I'm even afraid to get arrested for blogging about such stuff hahah.. but then if one day, who knows.... some day, a protest can be staged for a good purpose, like the anti-jap one that seeks out the truth of world war II to be made known to the generations of japanese, past-present-and future... if one day, there are enough pple willing to fight for this cause with me, I would do it.

But then again, all of us are just waiting for that someone to initiate something like that...
So, when will the day come when singaporeans walk out onto the streets speaking aloud what they want the society or the world to be like?

Will that day even come?

Quotable Quotes

I'm a sucker for quotes. Really!

When I run out of things to surf for on the www, I just turn to reading quotes.

But why quotes? you must think..
Because I think that quotes are just like soccer highlights. Its the essence of what a person has said, just as the highlights show the goals of every soccer game.

Here's just some that I think are fantastic...
And hopefully for those who are feeling weary, lost or unsure of their lives, these may help enlighten you alittle in whatever way possible :)


For those lost souls out there,

Morrie Schwartz, in "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom
So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

Gail Sheehy
If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.

Nelson Mandela
A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination.

Thomas Watson, Sr., Founder, IBM
To be successful, you have to have your heart in your business, and your business in your heart.

Mother Teresa
It is not how much you do, but how much Love you put into the doing that matters.

Helen Keller
It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves.



And after reading these, I really start to miss my choir..
each time I sit at mass away from the choir, I have the urge to go back to conduct and to add to the force of the harmonizing vocals. They've asked me when I will be back.. I want to go back, but I'm afraid, afraid that once again I will be laden with too many loads that I can't handle and be back to where I was before I left them for a break. I don't know the answer, but I'm sure He does.

I will go back, I want to. I want to sing and lead His choir once again, to give back to Him what he has given to me, to give to His people whatever I can give. I just need that energy once again and at the same time, if I were to go back, I need to learn how to say 'no' to certain tasks given to me.

I'm putting my trust in Him, in this, and in my own life endeavors..

argh.. don't give me so many choices

why is it that when now, I have a job, I am offered more jobs?
And when I didn't have one, I was fretting and worrying about not being able to ever find a related job in this industry.

Just got a call from a particular CD replication plant... (unsure sounding caller haha..) to do CD premastering..
hmm... i thought... double hmmm and triple hmm...

he asked me if i wanted to go down for an interview on friday, i couldn't answer coz i was busy thinking, thinking if I even wanted this job. Apparently he got my resume from my school.

Although at the studio now, i doing sales and would have to wait till dunno when to get my turn at the internship, I would still much rather work with bands and involve myself in creative work than just handle postproduction factory work, even though the medium is still the same.

Told him I would call him back to cfm, but in my heart I'm thinking that I don't want this job haha... but still, I'm considering, considering the fact that I need to finish my degree, the fact that it might give me more money, the fact that this company's name is bigger..... but its quite a 'step by step process' job, which I think, is not what I truly want even when I embarked on an audio engineer course last time.

I guess the answer is clear to myself, but I just need to consider properly still.
Maybe I offer myself as an intern free at the studio haha.. then they wouldn't mind when I start too :P

不打扰是我的温柔

PART ONE: 我給你自由
I know I have blogged about this before but I always believed Ashin wrote these lyrics for a reason. And ever more when they remixed 温柔and repeatedly emphasized ' 我給你自由'.. the message just became clearer, even though its something I don't think all fans have grasped.

True, how often do they come? And which fan wouldn't seize every second of opportunity to be near them, to get themselves remembered, to have a photo opportunity, to shake their hand, or for more desires that I don't even want to imagine..

But think again, would you rather a sincere handshake be returned to you, or one out of courtesy?
Would you rather they think of you as a mature, sensible person or a fan hankering for their attention and expecting something out of them all the time?

Given the choice, of course we would choose the first options, but can we do it and have we done so?

Please, just give them the respect they deserve (don't peek at them like monkies in a zoo)
Give the other people around them due respect too (don't keep calling for them like those ard them don't exist)
Give them the space and freedom to be like everyone of us, let them breathe (don't expect all their attention on yourself each time they come)

不打扰是我的温柔
Can we truly all do this?




PART TWO: 快樂並不需要理由
Yup, we've been closed for a week.. how are we faring?

Great I must say.

I've been practicing my guitar, borrowed a book on studio recording to revise what has already become rusty and I did start reading, discussed a little more with SH on our business plan (top secret :P), and the 2 of us had more time to just chit chat and talk too, spent time visiting my grandma, got about doing what I needed to spend more time with my friends whom I've neglected.

In a way, I've got about to doing more things that I usually wouldn't do, especially when SH and I are together.
A usual senario which would find us both in front of the computer doing the web and forum, found us the other day, one practicing the guitar and the other reading newspapers (eventually managed to get teach him a bit of the guitar too haha... altho I'm not an expert)... my ploy towards making him a guitarist for my band =P.

We haven't given up on what we like doing and what we are good at doing, because we still couldn't help ending up converting audio/video files here and there, but the difference is.... the sense of obligation has been significantly reduced.

Now, we don't have to answer to anyone.
Now, we don't have to be responsible for anyone's miseries.
Now, we can just fully concentrate on making others happy with what we have by utilizing our own talents.

真快樂﹐真快樂﹐ 快樂並不需要理由 (copyright to wonfu)
At the end of the day, its because, we just don't have to explain ourselves to anyone anymore, so long as we are happy and we are still making others happy :)

Bah humbug!

(Don't ask me why I put this title, it just came to my mind hahaha)

Humans are such complicated creatures...
Sure makes you wonder if all those years of evolution only made us worse, made us more divided than united, more differentiated than homogeneous, more confused than clear-minded, more stupid than intelligent, more lazy than dilligent, and well... the list goes on...

I hate humans, as much as I am a human myself. Yes, I hate humans.
Maybe thats why I always didn't want to ever study psychology. Why bother to try and understand the minds of humans, if they can't even understand themselves no matter what? Its an awful waste of time.

And thats why I chose sociology. Although its about human society... at least we get to laugh and be cynical and critical at ourselves =P.

Anyway, thats not my point here.

While humans think that they are superior beings, they are actually inferior. You don't see a pig fretting over its friendship with another pig do you? You don't see many cats trying to vie for the attention of a single cat, except for mating reasons. And in the animal kingdom, if you are stupid, nobody bears with you, because you will just perish and die (my years of watching discovery channel haha).

Yup, humans are stupid simply because they know how to think and know how to make themselves miserable.
I don't wanna try and understand humans.. I'm happier trying to understand my dog haha.

Human relations.... probably the most complicated subject in the world and even more complicated than nuclear science or biotechnology. The human mind... probably the most developed-underdeveloped (i didn't type wrongly here) matter in the entire world. Humans, the most paradoxical creatures on this living earth.

We whine over stupid things.
We fight over stupid things (not to mention grown men fighting over one soccer ball)
We worry about stupid things.
We give priority to stupid things.
We get angry over stupid things.
We are proud of stupid things.
We create stupid things too!
So how can we not be stupid?
esp if all our own misery is brought upon ourselves, by... ourselves!

Maybe.. thats why there are hermits in this world, dissolving themselves from the human-ness of the society around them. I wonder... how happy these people are.

看得到也聽得到

我們知道﹐因為我們看到也聽到了。
這種感動﹐不知怎麼形容。
雖然感動﹐但還是要堅決。
因為我們都累了。

這'累' 字也不知從何說起好。
可是我想﹐你們也想知道...

累是因為看到太多你爭我奪
累是因為曾經那麼簡單的一件事﹐能變得如此複雜
累是因為無緣無故被捲進政治游戲
累是因為總是怕自己做太多﹐會讓別人誤會

誤會是多麼可怕的一件事啊!

就象sh所說﹐我也真的是問心無愧。
我不是要把自己說得很偉大﹐
因為我也只是個小人物﹐也沒興趣和任何人爭什麼
我就是那麼簡單平凡的一個人﹐
看到別人因為我而開心﹐而微笑﹐我也會跟著開心的。

中學時﹐朋友告訴我不要太nice﹐因為容易被欺負
說我應該學會兇一點...
或許這是我一生中學不會的東西吧。
可是我學會了怎麼照顧自己﹐照顧身邊的朋友。
所以在這時候﹐我們才選擇離開。

When a string becomes too tight, you need to let go, to loosen the tension
When push comes to shove, we choose to step out of the pushing crowd

你們明白了嗎?

我也不是真的很知道我們會不會'回來',
我也不知道﹐這麼一放手﹐能不能解除任何誤會

總而言之﹐我真的希望大家還是會開開心心... 他們那五只也是。
那做什麼﹐也都是值得的。

SH finally comes to terms with my camera!

hahah.. I know I always 'bao' his 'liao' and still I'm gonna do it again =P.. he hated my camera even though I feel that it gives me super nice photographs. He hates the shutter speed, so all the while, I've been stuck with having to take photos at all events. But this time, he's finally willing to take over after we discovered a trick to the shutter speed problem.

He did quite well I must say.. here's the product of his effort with some of my own lame comments to them. Enjoy!

http://www.wretch.cc/album/album.php?id=mdlatte&book=15

I miss Taiwan

For the amount of time we spent planning the whole trip, laughing and chattering away at BK then getting scolded by a pissed uncle for making too much noise.

For the suspense and excitment of trying to purchase good tix to FH through the web and getting a heart attack first when we almost bought tix to Tainan instead of Taipei.. then later realising that the tickets we wanted were not to be released yet... and finally suddenly having it released and rushing to buy the front row tix.

For the number of times we pestered the tour agency because we were afraid our bookings wouldn't be confirmed and getting another heart attack when we found out they were booked wrongly.

For the time we went shopping all over Chinatown for something red to wear at FH.

For the number of times we sat ard with maps and taiwan guides to plan our itenary, then having mamasan repeatedly print them for us and even providing us files for them.

For the number of times we tried to discuss important things but wandered away talking about other things.

For the times we all braved the cold wind together in Taipei, enjoying the steaming hot chicken cutlet.

For the times we scuffled through the lanes of Taipei's night markets, trying out stall after stall of food and eating like nobody's business.

For the times we sat in our hotel rooms and laughed and ate while we watched TV together.

For the night at FH where we all stood together shoulder to shoulder singing pun soh chia in the drizzle.

For that night when we all took a cab to go all the way to yong he for the famous soya bean when there was other food near to the stadium.

For the transport that we waited and waited but didn't come, to pick us up to the airport, leaving us to rush for cabs..

Yup, I miss Taiwan... I miss it because I was there with my closest bunch of friends.
Its been a long time since we came back, that all of us got together again... and I really hope that we can make that happen once again :)

That's What Friends Are For

And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you

And if I should ever go away
Well then close your eyes and try
To feel the way we do today
And then if you can remember

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Well you came in loving me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you

Oh and then for the times when we're apart
Well then close your eyes and know
The words are coming from my heart
And then if you can remember



Ok, I don't mean to be mushy but this is how I feel ever since the day we came to that common decision. There is nothing truly more important than friendship.

We can have dreams, we can have money, we can have power and fame.. but without true friendship that can stand alone without all these material supports, we are only empty souls.

To my friends whom I may have neglected because of my own laziness, please don't get me wrong. I'm lazy, but it does not mean I've forgotten you or you are any less important to me.

All these years of 'chasing' Mayday, I've made many friends who have left a significant mark in my life and I'm still meeting more and more wonderful people now. Some of those I knew in the past, just didn't appear much anymore because they had other more important things in their lives that they treasured... but I still remember you guys.. how our favourite pasttimes were to sing ktv and then eat :P

Its never changed till now, we are still going for ktv and eating and eating and eating :P .. although some faces have changed and we have all grown older along the way.

But I'm glad and fortunate that all these people close to me, have always treated me with a true heart.

Live your life while you have it

Since I was a child, my mum told me I was named after the greatest nurse in history. She wanted me to be like her.. big hearted, to love the people, and to do good to the world. I remember these words, and I remember them clearly.

I knew I wanted to be like her, a strong woman with a strong mind, but a huge huge heart of gold. She was unselfish and unafraid of obstacles. She was a nurse but also a reformer.

"Live your life while you have it. Life is a splendid gift. There is nothing small about it". This was what she said.

Indeed, our life is ours, it is up to us how we chart and plot it. It is like a mathematical graph... I want my graph to be constantly moving upwards.. and not forever horizontal.

Most importantly, I want to live my life for myself and also for others, just like she did.. the one person we all studied about in our primary school textbooks.

She's still and always will be my role model in life, even though I'm just not as strong as her in her reformist efforts. However, I know that and fully understand the importance of serving others.

I am a child of God, my talents were given to me and they do not belong to me. They belong to the people around me and the many people whom I can touch everyday.

I want to be like her, like Florence Nightingale.

Today is the day

Just when I thought how amazing it was that we could all come to the same resolute conclusion in the same day, without even expressing the idea to each other..

I was presented with another amazing day on sunday itself. Other than standing up to an ah beng (but mouse inside) for the first time in my life, I felt for once, all mayday fans coming together. It didn't matter who we all were, it didn't matter what affiliations we belonged to. We just wanted to cheer on for the artistes there who deserved our support.

This was what made me think that, yes, our choice is right.

When good intentions are misread for bad.
When a true heart is treated with suspicion.
When a common purpose results in segregation and conflict.
When truths become distorted...

It is time, we stepped out for a while. We are not retreating, we are not leaving forever. We have just reached a new stage of understanding... I'll even like to call it enlightenment.

We, have simply found a better direction that would not induce angry or jealous stares that we don't deserve, that would not attract political fleas, that would not sour friendships that we treasure, that would not bring about unhappiness onto ourselves.

This is a choice we made, because we believe that we have the choice.
We once thought that we couldn't leave, because people would be expecting our files, our news and our information. But we realised, that to make others happy, we had to truly be happy first.

We have found this new direction and i believe that we will grow stronger in our friendship as we go along.

my heart is smiling :)

I don't know how long I've not had such a true feeling inside me.. such true joy that cannot be falsified.

It comes when a good deed has been done, when we've brought a bunch of strangers together and who have bonded. We see in them a reflection of ourselves in the past. We know that they will grow together as true friends, as we did ourselves. We know that they will be the very reflection of Mayday's friendship.

This is what we've wanted all along. We've wanted people to be happy.
Even though we've let others misunderstood us along the way, causing them to become unhappy, we have come to a decision to break away.

This is only possible, because our friendship has become so strong... so strong that we can believe that anything is possible. So strong that it can stand even without mayday supporting it. So strong that we can find joy simply in the company of each other.

Seeing them chatting away and everyone bonding, all happy and laughing yesterday... reaffirmed me that all the hurdles we have experienced, the stares we have endured, the socialising that we have compromised with all along... is worth it.

I am smiling from my heart. Not because of Mayday, but because I have brought happiness to others.

And this is really how I want my life to be.

Paradoxical emotions

Its the morning of the concert that would take place later at 7.30pm, but why am I not even the slightest bit excited?

I think I've reached my limit, my boiling point from seeing too much and knowing too much throughout these years and especially so, in these 2 months alone. As SH said, no matter how hard we keep trying to rebuild the casltes on the sand, they still get washed away by the tide.. deeming what we have done quire worthless.

There is just a heaviness inside me, just as there was when I went to the airport. I was happy before I reached there.. but when I got there it changed, I just wanted to stay away and be as low profile as possible, but when I saw Mayday I really forgot all these for a while.. I really did.

And I'm wishing it'll also be this way later on.

I've always understood that everyone is different, has different personalities, different quirks, different preferences and different abilities.. but still how I wish to convert everyone to my point of view.. that all they are, is just a band!!

Things they are not:
1) a potential boyfriend or husband
2) a toy for you to play with
3) monkies in a zoo (hey, at least you look at monkies openly, you don't even spy)
4) a mouse to be chased around
5) a vase for your viewing pleasure
6) they do not belong to you or any single person.. they belong to their parents
7) not a trophy to be won to show off a victory

You say how much they have inspired you.. then go do something about your life.
You say what wonderful people they are.. then how has this reflected on you?

I don't say I'm the best example of a Mayday fan.. how could I even dare to take on this term? Everyone is special in their own ways, its just a matter of how you let it show from inside of you.. for what's outside just fades and ages with time...

You can choose to believe and accept my point of views, or you can refute it, its really up to you.

Open your eyes

I think, I've suddenly woken up from a dream.. not really a dream but very much of an illusion. I admit to all the crazy things I have done for Mayday in the past, looking back and laughing at myself... I admit to thinking that Mayday was the true reason for alot of things in my life in the past and now... I even admit to thinking that Mayday was my everything that made me truly happy.

Don't get me wrong, I still love Mayday and I'm always appreciative of the courage they have given me to get me where I am now, somewhere i'll never be if i never knew them (i mean it) and I'll always grateful for the true loves they have brought into my life in terms of my confidante, my good friends, my direction in life and reminding me of my own capabilities in music. These are things that I knew and I will never forget in my life.

Yes, they have themselves given me lots of laughter and joy.

But today, I finally realised... that all that happiness and joy was not built on Mayday alone.

As we sat at the airport waiting as we always did, for them to arrive, we sat away from the crowd somehow feeling dismal at not wishing to be in the state of things at that time, all we wanted... was to see and greet the friends who have brought us together.

Limelight.. building political relations.. all these just aren't things we are concerned about. In fact, we are so afraid of these things.

Yes, all we want, is friendship.

And the one thing that I surprised myself is that.. after today, I wasn't thinking even about desiring a friendship with Mayday, I was being thankful for the friends I had around me who could make me laugh so hard with a happiness that was so true. I was thankful for the friends who were always around me even when things weren't so good. I was thankful for the friends who were so sincere and willingly accepted all my quirks or simply me for who I am.

Mayday is just a side-issue. Don't even be shocked that these words are coming from me.

Mayday remains my role model in my own direction in life and I look forward to that one day when I can produce results and make myself proud. It doesn't matter if they know how much they have done to influence me, I know it.. and that's enough. What's the use of telling them so much but not producing any results at the end of the day?

If one day I can succeed in my dreams and endeavors.. and they come to know about it by some other means, i'll be more satisfied with myself than having to tell them with my own mouth.

I think most fans are too often blinded by the illusion that everything exists because of Mayday.. but its not. How often don't we feel alone without friends and would rather not attend a Mayday event alone?

Material items like merchandise already do not matter much to me because material things just become so superficial after a while. its their passion and determination in music that is the most important driving force in my life, I dare to say it, because I have tried it whether or not it will be a success.

They've said they wanted to succeed before they turned 24. I wouldn't say that I have succeeded yet, but I know I have taken the steps towards trying and I'm walking as bravely as I can on this rugged road.

Mayday is not my everything. Friends are :)

iRaq, iPod, whats the difference?

This is a series of antiwar posters done by http://www.forkscrew.com/. Take a look there for a bigger view of each poster!

iRaq.. simply ingenious...

New work ethics

I guess everyone is just so familiar with efficiency, having to appear hardworking at work, afraid to be late or leave too early and being totally serious about your own work duties.

At least, this has been the work culture that I have been so familiar and accustomed too.

But not here. Not this time.

Here, is a place where everyone is happily joking and laughing out loud, blasting out weird music.. even of cats singing (yup, you know, meow meow meow?) and me not really knowing what to do sometimes, coz I warm up slow to people I'm less familiar with (although i know that over time, i'll be doing the same crazy things too :P)

Well, my point is, here... I think it scares them that I'm too keen to work? I mean.. yup, first i scared them by appearing at 10plus am (a total case of broken communication! not that i wanted to wake up that early too) and so, the boss heaved a sigh of relief today when I told him i'll come in after lunch tomorrow.

and all the time, while i'm trying hard to familarize myself with the work there... eagerly looking through the computer files, I am also trying hard not to look that eager, slouching in my chair while at the same time listening to their chatter and jokes.... trying to have a good laugh myself (reminding myself not to be too hardworking!)

In case you are wondering i'm imagining this... the boss himself said b4 he went out for dinner,

"you don't have to work till too late, what time are you leaving?"
"maybe around 9plus i guess"
(yup its 9pm.. and get this, i reached there at 7plus pm.... and i haven't really done much work yet)

he comes back after dinner and i was trying to do a database of clients to mail to, then he says again,

"you can do this another day"
(eh, got it, I can't appear too hardworking in front of him.. he'll feel stressed hahah)

And so, I've suddenly been presented a whole new set of work ethics, a whole new working style. SH calls it slacking, I prefer to call it laid back.

yup, laid back sounds cool... I will learn to be more laid back from now on :D
(although its hard to be.... for a kan cheong, wanna do everything nicely and quickly person like me.... i have to unlearn what I have learnt through these years)

But hey, these people have shown me what its like to work and be happy. I think thats how things should be too.

Good riddance to office politics, good riddance to rushing for work afraid of being late, good riddance to a cranky demanding boss, good riddance to having to be quick and effective at work.

Hello, laid-backness :)

this blog entry shall be titleless

why? because I can't think of a title.. and not everything needs a title, does it? :P

anyway, here i am, still at home haha... will only be leaving for work at ard 6pm.. well, only for today, because I have an appointment. But other days, i'll rather go earlier then I can leave early too and spend the rest of my day doing constructive stuff. I'm seldom very constructive knowing that I have to go out later in the day... so i just spend my day waiting for that time to come. How interesting isn't it? If anyone every wants to do a psycho analysis of a lazy person, here's one good subject for you (me haha).

in my mind, i'm just thinking, i'll pick up on my school work after THEY leave. yes, THEY are coming this friday, and i'm choosing not to work at all that day. who are THEY? I think alot of people reading this blog know it... THEY are the ones whom I am indebted to (for giving me the courage to take the road less travelled, for gathering the people who are at my side now) and THEY are the ones whom I have spend so much of my time on. I don't know if its worth it.. but at least I know i'm enjoying it for now.

SH's mum always 'scolds' him for spending so much time doing 'mayday work' as if there's money to earn from it. ok, from a less realistic point of view, why does everything have to do with money right? but when you out enjoying yourself.. and you feel your money depreciating, then you'll start appreciating the truth of such words.

oh well.. "only in their dreams can men be truly free".. free from the harsh realities of life, free from any fears, free from any struggles for power or money.

I'm living a dream now... most probably.. at least I think so, because I'm earning so little from it and I'm surrounded by such nice people hahahah. Please don't wake me up for now.

But remember to wake me up when I need to actually finish my sch work to complete the dreadful degree :)

its been a hard day's DAY

what a long day it has been... not to mention that all that rain made it feel even longer and more tiring to thread through everywhere that i went.

first, i reached the studio too early... not that i wanted to, because I wanted to go to school to get my diploma first but thanks to the wonderful sheets of rain falling down from the sky.. I just went direct to the studio, and nobody was there, coz they thought i'll be there in the evening. Anyway, i just went =_= when i thought of the sleep i had lost trying to get there early through the rain. Tomorrow onwards, i'm going there late :P

well, the person who was supposed to brief me on all that she has previously done could only be there in the evening, but i had to leave before that to get to church for the final sendoff of a great man, so nothing fruitful happened today (or rather yday since its past midnight now).. just sat at the com shuffling through her emails and peeking at the band that came in for recording, and kaypoh-ed with one of the partners about how much the rent cost... what they've been doing so far...

so how much did i earn today? $15.. for 3 hours hahah.
I think what I ate and drank today surpassed that $15.
Maybe i'll start eating my own meat soon...

ok, the one big thing i learnt today.. is that they are a very flexible bunch of pple. flexible, ok, i got it :P. i can turn up at any time, leave at any time, try to clock 20 hours but if i don't, its also ok, all i need to do is make sure they make money!

well, like i said, nothing very exciting happened there... except that i walked real far after taking the wrong bus, trying to get to school (with a heavy load and a bulky umbrella...)

finally got my diploma and was pretty satisfied with it, before i realised that it was already starting to get crumpled at the top, no thanks to the flimsy piece of envelope they provided me.. which made me end up in carrefour hunting for a file, except that there was no such file for such a huge diploma =_=...

i ended up with a box file... which seemed to do the job quite well (the dip folded in half and all).

anyway, forgot to mention that while i was in school, i heard familiar voices whom i tried my best to hide from hahah.. *guilty*, which reminds me again that i need to quickly kick my own butt to do the rest of my work! i really wonder how i became so lazy... or maybe its just that i enjoy being a full time mayday worker too much. (just too bad that no money can be made from this hahah)

ok, i'm getting tired from this narration.. which i think is quite a stupid one haha, coz i'm too tired to really blog properly. i will blog with more interesting stuff next time.