這世界上有一個真正快樂的人嗎

這世界上有一個真正快樂的人嗎? 昨天我問了仕豪﹐而他馬上很肯定地說, 有.

是生活在城市中的我們比較不快樂嗎? 一定要簡簡單單地過生活才算是真正的幸福和快樂嗎?
或許我們真的面對著很多生活上的壓力﹐社會給我們的眼光﹐ 父母對我們的期望﹐和自己對于自己的要求。 總而言之﹐ 我們天天都在尋找自己﹐但找得越久﹐越模糊﹐ 越不清楚自己其實要的是什麼﹐每天忙碌地過著生活為了又是什麼.

感覺自己現在走到了一個牆角﹐眼前是一條過不了的路。要不往後看﹐勇敢地面對所有的難題﹐所有讓我不快樂的人﹔ 就是繼續對著牆壁撞過去。幸運的話﹐撞不死我﹐可能牆後面會有另一條路走。不幸運﹐就是撞死自己。死﹐至少也是解脫的一個好方法... .... ... 但卻是一個懦夫的解決方法。

你可能會認為我這個人總是想太多﹐愛胡思亂想。就像仕豪說的﹐一個人太聰明其實只會讓自己更痛苦。那我們又何必讀那麼多書呢? 耕田種菜就好了... 生活夠簡單﹐ 每天擔心的只有如何填飽全家人的肚子。也或許因為這樣﹐很多新加坡都移民了。

我常常都覺得﹐做狗比做人還簡單快樂多了。讓我選擇﹐我寧願當狗.... 真的。雖然有些狗儿也命苦﹐但沒我們人類世界的複雜﹑爭奪﹑競爭﹑自私和殘酷來得苦﹐來得難熬。

快樂並不需要理由。旺福的這句歌詞一直在我腦海裡浮現。
我並不是沒真正快樂過。
當我拋開一切﹐只為了眼前需要作的事情﹐和我最愛的人在一起或和朋友瘋狂地追著五月天時﹐我都是快樂的。那種快樂一點也不假﹐但往往都很短暫。

第二天﹐當我醒來時﹐面對著現實的世界﹐我都會不由自主地掉眼淚。也不知道自己其實是真的為了什麼而不開心﹐就是感覺到心裡很沉重。

多想挽留那些快樂的時光。
所以我一直都在想如何把我所愛的事和週圍讓我真正感到快樂的人﹐皆為一體。開online store, pub, restaurant, 我都想過了。也許這也就是我逃避現實生活的一種方式。
也許因為習慣了這樣﹐我愛做白日夢。
只要有辦法脫離我的現況﹐都會逐漸盛會我生活的一部份。

是我不夠勇敢﹐不夠堅強﹐不夠毅力﹐不夠恆心﹐不夠相信自己的能力嗎?
我也好想能找到更巨大的勇氣面對這些外來的壓力。多麼希望是我自己給自己壓力﹐至少還容易解決....

其實能不能達成夢想已經對我不重要。我現在只要每天真正開心快樂地過生活就好了﹐ 因為我已經厭倦皺著眉頭地面對世界。
或許有人能給我個答案.... 失去什麼都無所謂﹐我只要快樂。

the prelude to chinese new year

woke up at 945am today, to the very loud tone of my doraemon clock (one of my favourite acquisitions in Taiwan, thanks to my favourite mamasan hehe). That's not what I'm trying to talk about thought. Woke up early today actually to go my godma's house to help make chinese new year goodies.. I don't really know what its called, but i call it, the "beehives"thing, which i really love, coz its super yummy and my godma's recipe is superb too.

i was really tired when i woke up, couldn't get my contacts on coz my eyes were almost glued together and the world around me seemed to be spinning a little but dragged myself out of bed though because I had already promised my mum and godma that I would help them. I've helped them the previous year too and this is one new year goodie i love very much myself too, so you know.... when you make or cook something, you get to eat it along the way right? ;) i think you shd know what i mean by now.

so whenever something drops and cracks, goes out of shape, becomes too black.. it ends up in my stomach hohoho... or my mum's of course. But we still managed 5 small tins and 3 big ones at the end of the day.. which was around 1.30pm.

My godma is the best of course, I had mee goreng and tau suan to eat even before we kai gong hehehe.

But then again, today was simply tooo too hot for me to even enjoy everything. Coupled with my relunctance to get out of bed today, everything seemed a little of a drag. all the time i was just thinking of coming back home to the coolness of my aircon-ed room, where I am right now typing away and drinking heaven and earth green tea (that was leftover from our mafia christmas gathering last yr, and sponsored by my fav mamasan again).

Now that i'm in the cool comfort of my room, i don't even wanna think about the heat outside my window. Was practically dragging myself home, lugging onto the containers of 'beehives' and keropok that my godma had fried.

anyway, cny... i think alot of pple love it, but i simply hate it. hate not having new clothes to wear (because i don't go buy them hahah.. my fault really. hate too huge crowds when shopping), hate wondering what to wear for 3 days in a row (linked to my previous hate), hate having to face the temptation of new year goodies but fighting with myself not to eat too much, hate going visiting from house to house to house to house (and i mean alot of houses!) without having a car to be driven in, hate seeing pple say byebye as they drive off in a car, while we walk to the bus stop in the sorching heat, hate going visiting without my brother at my side entertaining me.

In short, to me, cny is exhausting and there's too much PR work to be done =P.
But then, I love the ang baos! hey, who doesn't right?

I guess, I just have to work harder to get the ang baos. If only I have the luxury of sitting somewhere and the ang baos just walk to me. Maybe I shall just dream of it tonight... because come cny, I'll be out in the sun again running from toa payoh to pasir ris then to hougang and to ang mo kio, even to jurong east... .... .....

I don't think you'll wanna try out what I go through every chinese new year. You really wouldn't.

夢想到底是什麼

以前總覺得每個人都一定要有夢想﹐才算是有目標﹐有理想。而那些每天忙碌又盲目地工作的人﹐就是那些不是真正懂得自己要的是什麼的人。

可是一路來﹐在追求夢想的時候﹐我才真正了解我真的比好多好多人幸運多了。

至少我得到了我父母的諒解
至少我得到了朋友的支持
至少我在23歲就有機會邁向自己的美夢

美夢成真了嗎?

到現在﹐雖然我也不知道這算不算是失敗﹐還是考驗。 或許這就是一種過程吧。
我曾經聽說過﹐人越希望得到的東西﹐過程越是艱難。因為太容易得到的東西﹐我們往往都不懂得好好的珍惜。

那﹐我在面臨的重重問題﹐算是一種考驗嗎?

逆風的方向﹐我嘗試過了.... 也好不容易走到了這裡﹐我又怎麼能放棄呢?
我想﹐ 我真的很需要拿出我的倔強。別人都還沒對我歇氣﹐我又這麼能先投降呢?

但﹐我做得到嗎?

夢想這個東西﹐ 其實還真的蠻可怕的。

我好羨慕五月天他們。真的。
好羨慕他們在追求夢想的時候﹐有一群志同道合的朋友在身旁。任何困難﹐都能一起面對。

或許﹐我就是覺得自己現在走的這一條路﹐好孤單﹐好寂寞。
需要訴苦的時候也不知所措。
這讓我覺得﹐是否追求安定﹐平淡的生活﹐始終還是最好的。

雖然我知道一切都掌握在自己手裡﹐但我真的覺得我生活在一個不能支撐我夢想的環境裡。

是我想太多了嗎?
我實在是不知道。

可能夢想這東西﹐本來就不是一件簡單的事。
是我自己太天真而已...
也許我應該清醒一點的去面對所有的問題。 走了這麼遠﹐我是不應該就這麼放棄。

多麼希望能快點走出這瓶頸﹐再次點燃我熱愛音樂的那把火。

下一站﹐是不是天堂? 我拭目以待。

I'm a chicken

In the end, I didn't do it.. I didn't make the call. I just gave up the opportunity because just thinking about having to call, makes me all so un-me.

To the normal world, I must seem so useless coz even a young kid can make a phonecall. When somebody asks you to call somebody else for something, how do you say, can you call on my behalf? because I have a phobia of making phonecalls. They think I'm joking or something or that I can't even do something as simple as make a call, what else can I do? So I simply don't say anything, I'll just say ok, and end up sms-ing wherever possible.

Alot of other times, I just find means and ways (and I really mean all ways...), to evade from making a call.

I've even had a close female friend impersonate as me before to book a doctor's appointment for my mum, or to call my school for some issues.

If you ask me, I think my problem is serious. I think I need a shrink.

But then again, probably a shrink would also think I'm crazy for having such a weird phobia.

its just a call!

why do I always make a big fuss out of making a phonecall?

Its my self assumed phonecall phobia. well, something I coined myself but I don't know how it came about either.

if there can be fear of heights, fear of water, fear of enclosed spaces, fear of certain foods, why not fear of phonecalls?

I just hate to call people up, especially strangers. Its not something as simple as a hate.. but more of a fear too. I can email, I can sms but not talk on the phone to strangers, especially if I have to take the initiative.

I've always known that I'm a weird person. Whats so scary about making a call to somebody you don't know? If you really put this question to me, I probably can't answer you as well.

Each time I need to make a call, I always have to psyche myself up, imagine how the whole conversation should start and carry on, before I dial the number.

But before I even try to pick up the phone, I spend the whole day thinking about the fact that I need to make a phonecall. (amazing ya?!)

After I dial the number, my heart thumps as the phone rings before the person on the other line picks it up and I go about what I have rehearsed so many times in my head.
"Hi, are you abc? I'm florence, blah blah blah... you know about the blah blah? Yup.. blah blah....."

When the call ends, *phew*... the challenge of my life ends too.

Seriously, you may think, its just a phone call! Whats so hard about that?
But you are looking at a person who never makes a call to complain about anything, never makes a call to make enquiries of any sort, never makes a call to ask for assistance in any sort, never makes a call to even make bookings for restaurants or ktv.
How have I gotten about my life all this while then?

email and sms, irc and msn (without these technologies, I'll probably have pulled out all my hair by now)

Yet, when there's no email, I'll still have to call.. like what I'm supposed to do today if I want to get an attachment soon.

If you know any psychiatrist who can help me treat this phonecall phobia, just drop me a note. I really need it right now.

The Lion and the Bull

Just being bored haha... and something I realised.
Famous Taureans include: Karl Marx, William Shakespeare, Ella Fitzgerald, Adolph Hitler, and Masa of Mayday hahahaha.

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http://www.rrtearoom.com/horoscope/comp/Leo_Taurus.htm

Astrological Sign Comparison
Leo with Taurus

Leo is ruled by the Sun. It's symbol is represented by the Lion.Leo is a Fire sign, and is creative and grandiose.

Taurus is ruled by the planet Venus. It's symbol is represented by the Bull.Taurus is an Earth sign, and is reliable and materialistic.

Two very loyal hearts, Leo protecting, demonstrating his/her love freely, making Taurus feel all warm and cuddly. Taurus' dependability and devotion making Leo feel like a King or Queen. Sounds ideal until one day Leo arrogantly gives a Royal Command ! Then we'll see how stubborn and silent Taurus becomes.

This relationship takes a great deal of effort to stay in harmony. If Leo could couch his/her Kingly/Queenly commands in a pleasing, coaxing manner, Taurus may respond (if Leo gives Taurus time to think it over). If Taurus is not given time to mull things over, watch out! Taurus will get very, very stubborn.

It is a good idea to compare your rising sign to the rising sign (or Sun sign) of the person you are comparing yourself with. This will give you a more detailed overall picture of the relationship.



==========================================

If you are like me, having to face a Leo everyday :P, you really need to understand their inner world. Here's a good extract, I picked out only what I thought was relevant...
(*don't ask me why i put mostly negative traits in bold coz somebody will kill me when he reads this in my blog hahahah... but its true, most of what this site gave is like this. believe me!)


LEO: Inner Self

http://www.novareinna.com/constellation/leoself.html

This is the Sign of exuberance and idealism, denoting a powerful personality. However, as well as being high-minded, Leo subjects can also be high-handed and when they fall victim to their own shortcomings, the result can be nothing less than disastrous. Being impulsive, generous and brave, these natives are quick to follow their own intuition.

They adore being in the spotlight.... never fail to form their own conclusions and rarely give a thought to whether such a conclusion is right or wrong. In short, those ruled by Leo are prone to ride over their own faults so naturally that apparently, they are not even aware of such faults.

Thus, when Leo natives honestly believe they are right, it is assumed that all critics must necessarily be wrong.

Leo subjects are open in speech and can be rather tactless.

The worst fault of those ruled by Leo is that they can become very narrow-minded and bigoted, largely due to the fact that personal convictions are settled early in life and rarely become changed or modified at a later time. In addition, the greatest drawback to the Leo personality is likely to be indolence. They will revel in ease and luxury until they are forced into action either through necessity or due to their own self-imposed demands.

Leo subjects (particularly the males) make great leaders...for good or ill. The ambition inherent in this Sign is immense with a strength of will which matches or even surpasses this characteristic. Leo individuals appear...and usually are...humanistic by nature but, on a more negative note, often seem to display a streak of ruthlessness.

At their most glorious, Leo subjects are big-hearted, passionate and generous souls, appreciative of loyalty and sincerity while withholding nothing of themselves...possibly because these individuals cannot abide hypocrisy or deceipt in others

However, for all these Leo virtues, its natives must strive to overcome an imposing dark side and those who fail to dispel the shadows may well become demanding, domineering, insensitive and destructive
The secret fear of Leo subjects is that they will not be perceived as important individuals. In general, however, this is an affectionate Sign complete with a lively and sunny personality which brings joy and life to any dull day

放個假吧﹗

我常常都會想... 五月天其實都在想什麼? 我們都會以為一些已經達成夢想的人﹐應該是最滿足﹐最快樂的. 但今天看了jac的blog之後﹐讓我又開始反省追求夢想的意義.

當夢想未完成時﹐我們都會不顧一切﹐犧牲週圍所珍惜的家人和朋友﹐放下其他可能比較次要的事去達成自己心裡覺得是最偉大的理想. 畢竟﹐這就是一直以來我們最熟悉的夢想追求方式.

You win some, you lose some... 我記得瑪莎曾在ptt說過.
但看著五月天﹐我不得不相信他們失去的比得到的多.

雖然作人﹐就是要造福人群﹐幫助別人. 但始終這一切的一切﹐都不比親情還重要.

也就因為五月天帶給我們那麼多歡樂﹐那麼多勇敢和那麼多堅持﹐ 我們更不能自私﹐更不能野蠻。 因為他們也和我們一樣﹐有父母﹐有兄弟姐妹﹐有朋友﹐有最深愛的人.. 身體裡面流的也是血﹐該生病的時候也會生病. 他們這群很普通的男孩﹐也應該有權力過著很簡單快樂的生活啊.

自從我聽了"超人"之後﹐我總是覺得阿信所寫的﹐其實就是五月天的每一個成員.
他們的超能力就是他們的音樂﹐而琢磨不到的卻是親情和愛情.

我真的好像跟五月天說﹐放個假吧﹐好好睡個覺! 如果少來一次新加坡能讓他們得到更多于家人相處的時間﹐我寧可他們留在台灣.

誰不想更接近五月天呢? 誰不想跟他們多一點接觸? 但我們真的要理智... 因為五月天不是我們的. 他們為我們作了這麼多﹐我們又為他們作了些什麼?

有時候﹐真的好想跟他們說生對不起.
雖然對不起對於怪獸的媽媽是彌補不了什麼的﹐但我只希望所有的五迷了解口頭上所說的支持﹐一定要在行動上表現出來. 我相信五月天需要的不只是鼓勵﹐而是體諒.

可是我還是很感激他們讓我了解到﹐其實追求夢想並不是生命的一切. 幫助別人固然重要, 讓關心我們的親人和朋友開心其實還是最最最最最重要的.

I second, third, forth and fifth this!

Saw this on ptt but didn't actually read it until I saw qianhui quote it in her blog. It exemplifies all our feelings all this while, and especially after watching Final Home, we all really hoped to have a time machine, to go back in time to the farewell concert of 2001.

Things were much simpler, clothes were not flamboyant, stages were not fantastic, but everything was very moving and very real to the core.

That was the way we liked it then... and the way we like it now too.

But its not possible to bring back that old Mayday because the industry has changed. We can only hope that their music never changes despite all these decorations added to their performances. I still truly cherish Mayday for who they are, the 5 very friendly chaps who are down to earth and true to their fans. And I cherish all their little performances.... sad to say, far more than their big scale concerts.

2001 remains etched in my heart as the best Mayday concert of my life.

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作者: tin0319 (陌生人 陌生的世界) 站內: MayDay
標題: 我還是很懷念啊～！Ｔ︿Ｔ
時間: Sat Jan 22 16:41:37 2005

剛剛又看了一次”你要去哪裡”演唱會的ＶＣＤ雖然看了很多次，
感動還是在，還是很懷念那個時候的五月天對！
很多人說五月天成長了，要求他們像以前那樣，太強人所難所以我也不要求，
只是....想要小小的再唸一下我沒辦法嘴巴上說我釋懷了，
可是內心還是想著好懷念以前的五月天。雖然那個時候的舞台，
比不上現在的華麗。雖然那個時候的服裝，比不上現在的多樣。

雖然那個時候的五月天，那麼的呆，甚至會讓我覺得有點台那個時候他們的技術，
也許比不上現在那個時候阿信的歌喉，也許也比不上現在但是那個時候的感動，
絕對不輸現在的啊！那個時候的他們，看起來，似乎也是比較開心的！

不信的人，你再花個三小時，再去看一次！

Final Home TPE 050108 > Alive Concert SIN 050115

As I hear Xiao Hu Shi playing now, it just urged me to blog about Final Home. The memories of that day still remain in my head, but I wasn't able to write it all out somehow.. until now.

Hearing the tune of Xiao Hu Shi, I recall that moment at Final Home, when all the lights were lit up on the stage which was filled with people... Mayday, Energy and all the technical crew, as well as dancers. It felt like a huge party all of a sudden. The lights were also on the audience and everyone cared little but to dance along with the music. It was really a fantastic feeling... at that moment, it did somehow feel as though the world within Taipei's municipal stadium was united... and everything else, all the cares of the real world had dissolved away into the bright lights engulfing us all.

The feeling was so great, that it felt so surreal, even up till now. But this is probably the one image of final home that remains in my mind.

The other very significant moment was when the sparklers began to light up in the middle of the stadium during heng xing de heng xin. For a while I turned to shihao and shirley and asked them if it was already time to light the sparklers.. of course, we were all confused.. but soon, I just began taking in the lovely sight of sparklers in front of me as the light was passed on and the light grew stronger.

And I remember soon after, a staff came along and gave us more sparklers to light up. During that time I was playing with the sparklers, I really forgot what songs were being played. After burning away 2 long sparklers, I still had the one we got while entering the stadium, tucked away safely in my bag for the all important moment when the peace chimes was supposed to go off and we were to pray for the victims of the tsunami.

That moment did come.. as Mayday led all of us to raise our sparklers up in the air, to the tune of Zhe Ge Shi Jie. My short sparkler burnt out very quickly, but what did that matter? I was paying attention to the lyrics of Zhe Ge Shi Jie and staring at the sea of light ahead of me, which for that time, got me lost in another world once again.

While there were such wonderful moments in Final Home, there were also times when I wished that there could be less commercialisation in a mayday concert. Especially when they sang Enrich your life.... I couldn't believe it, I really really couldn't believe it. The anticipation i felt when I heard the introduction, hoping to hear Ashin sing the lyrics of Rang Wo Zhao Gu Ni.... all that anticipation and the heart wrenching feeling just fell flat. Totally flat to the ground when I realised it was Enrich your life instead. Damn.

So many times too, did I wish for Mayday to make use of the stage extension more. Of course, to allow us to see them better too. Which monster did most.. but he got a little too close! What a shock... I really thought he was about to jump down from the stage as he got to the corner. He probably didn't intend to get that far or maybe he just suddenly realised that the stage was too high to jump. But I'm soooo relieved he stopped in time. I knew he was looking in our direction but I was so afraid he'll fall that I was looking at his legs that I didn't notice he actually pointed at us, as all the rest of them said they saw him do. But learning abou it, really warmed my heart :)

Little did I expect it to happen again on the day of the Alive Concert. It certainly made the rushing back from airport to home and from home straight to Fajar worth it. At least, we did once again think that Monster was pointing to us. (Do we always think too much??)
This time, I did see him point and he was smiling quite happily. Well, even if he was pointing at other things, at least it did make us happy haha.

If you aren't a Mayday fan, you must be thinking, these silly idiots.

But, I like being silly. It beats being all uptight or prim and proper all the time. Sometimes, you just gotta let go.

We've been silly... so silly that I've flown to Taipei for the 2nd time for a Mayday concert. Watched 2 rehearsals, one year in the scorching heat of summer, 3 people huddled for shade under a tiny umbrella, downing bottles of water, as we battled the heat to watch mayday prepare for their concert the next day. This year, it was just the opposite.. my teeth chattered as I sat on the grass watching Mayday.. the sky quickly darkening even though it was still pretty early and the cold wind growing stronger. Both times, we didn't stay long.. because of the heat and then because of the cold.

Isn't it sillier that our flight touched down on 15th Jan 04, the day of the Alive concert, at close to 7pm. Then grabbing our luggage at around 730pm , shihao and I rushed back to my house, washed up and ran out of the house at 8pm, with pepper and my dad probably in a state of shock and my luggage all still in the living room haha. At 8.15 we got a cab downstairs.. and close to 9, we reached the venue. Close to 11pm, thats when the 5 people who made us this crazy finally came out, and surprised us all with John Lennon and then Superman.

Was it worth all that cab fare and tiredness? Was it worth putting my dad and my dog in shock for rushing in and out of the house (coming back from seeing Mayday and then going out again just to see Mayday)? Yup, I thought it was. It didn't matter what others thought. At least I've got another mad person together with me haha.

That day of Final Home, my jacket was off, my scarf was off, I was down to my new Mayday Final Home Tshirt and another 3/4 sleeve Mayday 1st album Tshirt inside. It didn't feel cold at all, even with the fine rain coming down on us.

That day of the Alive Concert, I was wearing the same Final Home Tshirt again, but this time, it wasn't the rain coming down, it was prespiration running down my back. And of course it wasn't cold, its singapore!

But both times, we were ready to rock, cued in by the introduction of Sun Wu Kong.
We were ready to just be crazy and silly.
Who cares about the residents around Taipei's municipal stadium or the residents of Fajar. It was there and then, it was Mayday and us.

It was what made all our hearts beat together, to the same rhythm of Mayday's songs.

HOPE

這個世界
詞曲: 蔡藍欽

在這個世界

有一點希望

有一點失望

我時常這麼想

在這個世界

有一點歡樂

有一點悲傷

誰也無法逃開

※　我們的世界 　　

並不像你說的真有那麼壞 　　

你又何必感慨 　　

用你的關懷 　　

和所有的愛 　　

為這個世界 　　

添一些美麗色

Sometimes, the world isn't really as bad as we think it is. We have to step out of our own miseries to understand that there are many others out there who are worse of than us in so many other ways. Don't blame yourself or blame others, put that bad feeling to better use instead. Bring joy to others.. as I've always learnt as a child, SMILE AND THE WORLD WILL SMILE WITH YOU.

Why live a life being at each others' throats? Why live a life wondering who's going to stab you next? Why live a life thinking that the rest of the world is against you? Why live a life thinking you are the sadest person in the world and everyone should pity you?

Sometimes, we have to look beyond our own perspectives to see what others are feeling or thinking. The world is not just about me or you, but its about us, its about everyone. I may not live till the day when the whole world will be united as one, in peace regardless of religion, race, nationality, personality, cliques, gender or any other IMAGINED divisions, but I know I just want to make everyone around me happy. That's the way I want to live my life right now.

Its easy to just say, don't worry, be happy. Doing it, is the hard part. But I think the key lies in placing other people above our own worries, then we can see how there are much more important things to do.

I've been in the dumps since coming back from Taiwan. As though that flight back took me across another dimension from illusion to reality. And as cliche as this might already sound, it was Mayday that picked me up again. No need for them to come tell me personally to buck up and chin up.. all it took was their songs and a little pondering and reflection.

If you don't get what I mean, just remember these lines of the song:
我們的世界 並不像你說的真有那麼壞 　你又何必感慨

Mayday Therapy

Listening to Mayday's albums from the 1st all the way to their 5th album, while crunching on wang zi mian, which is fast running out soon (if i bought too much, I'll have diabetes probably)

But hey, this therapy is pretty useful! At least I've gotten to doing my research.

Try it! may not work as well with Mamee though...

Can somebody give me an answer?

I'm really tired of how the world has turned out.

Things that are seemingly supposed to be for the good of all would be blemished by selfish gains. Things that are seemingly focused on the same thing, would have such different directions towards it.
And things that are seemingly suppoosed to be happy and pure, would turn out so ugly and misunderstood.

Can somebody tell me what's wrong? Can somebody provide me some answers?

Friends mean the world to me because I'm so afraid of loneliness, and I never want to lose any. My religion is the direction of my life, let me not be disillusioned. Music is what I live for, I'm afraid to ever lose this passion. And Mayday is the reason for many of the things in my life right now, let them not become the ones for making me all confused and lost.


Imagine (John Lennon)
===================
Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the peopleliving life in peace...

Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.



Tell me if you ever find this world, I want to live in it.

給他們自由吧

We all sing along each time 溫柔 is played

我給你自由
我給你自由
我給你自由
我給你自由
我給你全部全部全部全部自由

But do we mean what we say? Do we know the true meaning of these words?

Give them freedom, give them space to breathe. Give them a life like what normal people should have. Respect them.

I can't imagine their life, because I am not them. But we are all humans and we all need to be treated with respect. And most importantly, we all need freedom.

支持不是要勒死他們而是給他們自由

這是我的溫柔﹐還你你的自由

Give me a time machine

I so do wish to go back in time right now.. a time when things were much simpler, a time when there was less strifle over things that were supposedly so innocent.

I want to go back to the Mayday farewell concert of 2001, but with this bunch of friends that I have now.

I want to go back to a time when Mayday felt all at ease coming to Singapore.. when no curtains were drawn while in their minibus... when they could walk out of arrival without any barricades around... when they could walk slowly as they walked into the departure hall.

I want to go back to the days when everyone didn't try to vie for attention or power... when everyone just had one goal in mind, without the need for ulterior motives.

I want everyone to just live as one because the world IS one... and divisions are purely imagined and created by humankind. Why have war when you can have peace? Why have enemies when you can have more friends? Respect others and others will respect you. Give others trust, and they will trust you too. The world is as simple as this.

Maybe I need not just a time machine right now, I need a blindfold to cover my eyes from this all too complicated world.

If only I could turn back time

Its an odd feeling.. as though I'm not really anywhere.

My life seems to only exist because of Mayday. It seems unhealthy.. but thats just the way I am living right now. I don't wanna get back to my school life.. which really sucks right now because of a sucky lecturer whom I wish I never have to face again in my life. Can't Mayday give me a job? But then again, am I even good enough to be their sound crew?

Feel myself swimming around in a mist. Can't get an attachment.. not sure what to do. I've tried and I'm waiting.. and waiting for another mail to come. Will it come? I want to get that attachment but not appear too pesky at the same time..

I've got a thesis to do.. need to discuss with a lecturer. But first I gotta frame the whole thing properly in my mind.. the thing is... my mind.. its all in a whirl. And I can't make myself step back in school to even go look for a lecturer that I like.

Its as though, I've lost myself. I thought I was pursuing my dreams... am I really? Or have I just been dreaming too much all the while? When i was rational, I had lots of drive. But when I started to dream, I really put my whole self into a cloud... so much so, that I can't see anything anymore.

One word... disillusionment.

That's how i'm feeling right now.

I thought I was going the right way, but circumstances don't seem to be favourable.
I thought I had finally gone to do what I've always wanted, but the people just weren't right.
I thought that just by walking on, the road would lead me somewhere, but the road turned out rocky and unclear.

Now, I just wished I knew what I should do next.

Should I just get out of this dream?.... finish this irritating degree, that I wished I had never taken, that destroyed all the enjoyment of the diploma and the drive I had for recording music, and just get a normal job.... forget abt all the stupid ideas about doing music.

Because, I'm just not good enough. I never was, why did I even think I was?

give me a time machine...............