Beautiful Sunday

I loved this concert, probably the best one we have ever done. Its not even pop or rock and it didn't even have to involve Mayday.

It was the lush green settings, people on mats with their picnic baskets lounging in the shade, dogs running all over the place and children as well with balloons in hand. It was really the perfect picture of a beautiful sunday afternoon.

Bust most importantly, it was the music. The jazz band, the acapella, the songs chosen... (makes me all the more eager to just go take up jazz piano). I guess I'm just a sucker for jazz stuff.

I really wished I was in the audience instead, on a picnic mat, just watching the show.

It opened with Beautiful Sunday.. so apt, but in bossanova style (blew me away), then came so many remixes of other songs. Can't deny that uncle D was good today. So was our little 14 year old 'shi nai sha shou' who already has fans from aunties to little girls who just sat watching him and shouted 'byebye!!' (high pitched..) to him.

The crowd was also excellent, so sporting and so emersed into watching the show. I seriously never thought there would be that many people at that place. But I wish, more people could have seen the concert, especially my friends who love music so much as well.

Changed my perception of parks here.. they can be really nice places for relaxing as well.

when its time to go, its time to go

What happens when the job that you strive so hard to get, turns out very differently from what you imagined it to be.

Thats the way of life, or rather, the reality of life, as some of you might put it.

True, but also not true.

I was told that I would do a certain job before i first joined, but when I finally stepped into the company, I was pushed into another department. Fine I thought, I'm alright with doing all those until they employed more people.

But more things unrelated to what was agreed on, piled onto me. I pushed them away, it worked but only for a while. Now, its back to square one once again.

This is only one of the disatisfactions.

The rest of the unreasonable employment terms and shortchanging of overtime hours and claims.. I guess I won't mention too much here. We all know about how bloggers can even end up in jail.

I don't even mind the shitty low pay, but it makes me unhappy to be treated unfairly like an idiot, cutting people's leave, having weird calculation for OT hours, poor employee benefits close to none (hope I haven't said too much)

Reality? more like reality gone real bad. how do you fix a company like that when the problems are the bosses?

So, I guess, it should be time for me to leave soon.

job hunting time....

19 Nov

Its the date when Da Niu and Da Niu Sao =P will be coming back. Really unbelievable to think that the last time I saw them was already almost a year ago.

Back to fighting for tv channels when he wants to watch his cartoons... but then maybe now less because I'm working...

Back to the nights when there's more than just one light on in the house after midnight.

Back to the times when someone will come into my room and just lie on my bed to talk to me

It won't be for very long, but its always good enough for me =)

Meeting Day

Yes, it was a day spent solely on meetings and of course, with the little time I had back at the office, answering or rather entertaining call ins.

The day started out at Orchard, then to NUS, back to office, then taking a walk to Oxley Rd and even walking pass a certain minister of ours' house.. looking at the 2 guards standing strangely outside of it, following which we finally went to get some lunch and J went to buy cushion covers. Headed back to office and soon off I went to S** where I fell asleep waiting an hour at the reception for the 2 girls who were suppose to be there to audition.

In the midst of it all, I took down so much that I've got to do.. maybe too much. I have to do some taiji soon. I've only been there 4 mths plus but then now that S is on leave, i've become the most senior (quite a joke actually) and so the bulk of responsibilities come to me.

Had a chance to spend alot of time talking to J today, about her daughters.. about our productions and also about what she intended for me to do. Seems like she wants me to take on quite a bit of interesting stuff, that's pretty major in scale too but then, I still feel I should move on away from this company.

I do like doing the work, but its not enough. I don't feel the appreciation.
I don't feel the understanding that I or any of the other staff need for a job such as ours.

If they treasured me and trust me by handing me such responsibilities, then it should also reflect in the pay. As an intern, I wouldn't mind. But now that its my full time job, it has to take into consideration more than just good will and a learning experience.

I hope to move on. But whether I get the job now really depends on my friend and his eloquence... its a company I would really love to join. But whether the grass is really greener, I don't know. I just have to try..

一個人的勇敢

Its the name of my new baby =)

Never felt so good after writing a song before. Maybe for once I managed to get both the melody and lyrics out, plus have an idea of how to arrange it. And for the first time, i wrote it at macdonalds, humming to myself amidst the sound of kids screaming.

Wish we could get the song done immediately. Can jump queue for this song? Coz I love it so much heehee.

won't be posting the lyrics up, for copyright reasons and in case i get shot down for my lousy lyrics haha.

wait for our next gig, hopefully it'll be done by then ;)

Vicious Cycle

Its the hot topic now.

I would so love to cut in to say how much I agree that music should be about appreciating music and not about milking money out of it.

But then think again, who are the ones controlling the industry? Who are the ones sitting at the top? They're businessmen.

And haven't we all learnt about how supply comes only with demand? Haven't we so often heard of this term, the 'music business'?

Things are produced in mass, simply because it can be sold in mass. The logic is simple... perhaps too cruel, to the producers of the music and to the true supporters of music.

The business is controlled by the market, the businessman merely manipulates it. Capitalism?

We can refuse to buy something, our whole country can refuse, but what's our place in the entire regional or international market?

I prefer to see it in a more positive light.

If you are a musician, selling your music means giving yourself a means to continue doing what you love. With everything, comes compromise. You win some, you lose some.

What did they get? They got their own private studio to work, sleep and talk music in 24hrs a day. It would only be in my dreams to have something like that.

I'll just have to say, that the businessman was too smart, working into the psyche of the musician.

If you could just spend your days engulfed in music, having someone else worry about whether you will make enough money for your daily living, would you take it too?

I would. It beats thinking of whether I'm giving enough time and effort into what I'll love to do and develop my dreams, against whether I'm doing the right job to give me the means to do what I love.

My current playlist

Need some good songs to listen to?

At different points of my life, I switch between listening to english and chinese songs.

At the time when english music started churning out boybands and pop idols, I turned to Chinese music, where I found Mayday.

But now, I'm turning to english music again where there are lots of good bands and musicians now whereas the chinese music scene is becoming the english scene of the past... that of boybands and pop idols.

Then again, there are still many underground chinese bands out there worth listening to as well.

And of course, plenty of excellent local bands. Now, I'm just waiting for the day when the local market opens up to the idea of building up bands.

in my sleepy state

nose dripping, bleary eyed, trying to type this blog entry before I leave for work

My cold is taking a little too long to cure. Too much aircon plus late nights everyday. Its already lucky that my nose was unstuffed by the time we went jamming.

Jamming.. happens to sound a little rusty too. We're still revolving pretty much around the same songs but don't have much of a choice coz of everyone's busy schedules. The one thing we can do is continue with our own song writing first.

Listening to the minus one in the background right now. Lets get this song on its way!

On another note, I received my contract for work at last. Not sure whether to sign it, but I don't know how to act blur and just not sign it because initially I wanted to make use of the contract signing to ask for more pay. Now I don't dare to sign it because I'm afraid it will impair me from moving onto another company. I mean, how would I know if they consider wm a rival company?

Gotta get moving to work now. Will need some sleep after that to finally ease my cold.

Mango Ice no more

Looking at this picture, brought back quite alot of memories.

Feel quite sad actually, that I don't really know what to feel. Have things changed? I don't know..

2003, it wasn't that long ago.

Its not that I don't want to talk to you, but I just don't know what I should talk about.

If only things can be like before, less complex. But then again, we can never go back to the past.

The sinang show

Only been back to work for 2 days, but it felt like I've done so much and as though I never left for a break before.

Everything still goes at the same pace. Fast.

I guess I've grown, and I have already learnt to accept things as they come. I am not as picky as before but of course I still hope and dream to have more of the type of events that I desire. But before I can get to do all that, I gotta pick up whatever I can first from weird to posh events.

Today's event, well really quite 'sinang', nothing much to do except for uncle D's performance and our very new star that I think has a lot a lot of potential. Even though he's only 14, we call him the 'shi nai sha shou'. Personally, i think even at that age, he seems to have more stage presence than uncle D =P.

Today came a very very 'distinguished' guest also. But the most interesting part was the fashion show. I'm sure the guys backstage got a feast for their eyes. But you know how too much of good stuff can also make you bored. Imagine flesh coloured images in front of you but they could still eventually just fall asleep, bored from doing nothing but watching.

Will have a fun concert coming up next month. Looking forward to that one, but not to another event that I'll be taking charge of at the end of next month.. sucky clients =X.

Well, not every apple you eat is sweet anyway.
Here comes my twisted logic haha...

活著其實很好﹐再吃一顆蘋果!

(yes, my excuse to mention my favourite song again hehe)

My addiction

Now why doesn't everything else come in curry flavour too?

Bring it on!

Goodbye to the sleep-eat-play game-eat-play game-eat-write song-eat-practice keyboard-eat-play game-sleep routines.

Don't be fooled. That whole chunk seemed long, but then it was a little overkill on the eating =P.

I want my life to be busy again. I want to feel frustrated by lots of people hounding me over a project. I want to run all around Singapore with not enough time to eat my meals.

Going back to work tomorrow! Going back to the life that truly suits me.

I guess, I'll never survive as a tai tai. I'm probably end up killing myself by swallowing a mahjong tile.

Is this what they call love?

Ever realised that at different stages of your life, your parents will never fail to have something to nag at you for?

Well, in the first place, we see it as nagging simply because it becomes a little overwhelming as it gets repeated a little too often at times. We perceive it as nagging because we don't like to be controlled and told what to do, but they perceive it as caring for us and our future.

Parents' love?

As much as we all hate it, but who can say that when its our turn to become parents, we wouldn't turn out the same?

Typical singaporean parents.. that's my dad. very driven by results and 'ai mian zi'. my decision to quit honors must have thrown his face so terribly in front of his colleagues, that he had to emphasize everyday then how his friends would feel its a waste and I'm so silly to make that decision.

My primary school days, spending nights with my dad sitting beside me poking at my head when I make mistakes. My university days, my dad doubting whether I even study just because I spend their sleeping hours studying, and their waking hours sleeping.

mum, she's more understanding and more supportive but sometimes she gives up to my dad's nagging, so in return, she echoes him once in a while.

I'm not that bad a kid, I work hard, I study hard, so why do I still get nagged at?

When I'm studying, they bug me all the time about my sch work, whether I'm studying hard enough. But I'm just sorry to say that this time their nagging only forced me to come to the decision I had.

If I was given more room to breathe and more trust, I wouldn't have come to that decision. I just needed a few more days, but to exchange for those few days would have brought me loads of incessive nagging. So it led me to believe that to give up, was the best solution to ease myself.

But whatever it is, I'm moving on.

Goodbye to the months of coming home with no hi but questions like "have you finished your thesis?", "you chose this course but you don't want to finish it" (well, you said it, not me)
Goodbye to mornings before leaving for work and being asked "why are you going to work? your thesis don't need to do?"

And now, my new stage of life is finally working permanently.
And so.. here comes a new thing to nag about. How much have I saved? (get this, after 3 mths of internship, I only got my first full pay last mth.. and its already not much)
Also, I am told I should give them some money, because its 'respect' or hand my mum money to save on my behalf.

How do I tell them everything? I wish I had more money too.

I guess, this will be the new topic in my life for now.
Coming home and being asked, "have you got your pay? how much have you saved?"

If only my bro will come back =P
Then they will be distracted and be less bothered about my life.

So, I don't even really tell them about my band. They don't even know about my performances.
I want to get somewhere before I show and prove to them, that there are alot of things in life that are more important and they should just learn to trust me more.

Mum, Dad, sorry that your daughter turned out so different.

Thy complicated world

"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
- Hamlet, 2. 2

I believe, we are always the victims of our own minds. We are what we make of ourselves.
The people around us are created based on our own perceptions.

We believe what we choose to think something is. And therefore the famous phrase, I think therefore I am.

But sometimes, thinking too much can really be quite destructive, just as it was in Hamlet's case.

Ask not, to be or not to be.

Why not just give everything the benefit of doubt?

Live life like there's no tomorrow. Treasure those around you like this was the last day you will see them again.

warning: mushy post =P

我們什麼時候培養出這種默契的?
是吃了太多對方的口水還是吃了太多花生和辣椒之後的特異功能?

這次送機﹐不只是因為昨天的那很突然的三個字﹐也是因為害怕以後可能在也不會有這種衝動去做這些傻事了。

我想你們都已經相通了吧? 其實位置不重要, 優先權也不重要, 照片和簽名更是不重要, 可是對我來說, 我還是很想看他們表演, 學習他們的台風, 研究他們彈吉他的技巧。 多麼希望他們只是個樂團﹐而不是個天團。可是這怎麼可能呢?

看著那麼多人忙著爭寵, 我不禁為他們感到傷心。做音樂就是要感動人﹐可是大家感受到的真的是他們的音樂嗎?

已經找不會三年千的他們了。現在的他們也變得疲憊多﹐現在的我們也漸漸開始放慢腳步。

追偶像? 他們是偶像嗎?

回憶一些以前作過的傻事﹐真的不禁會笑出來 :) 這些我相信 Nic, QH 和 fiona 都很清楚。
可是沒有瘋狂怎麼能算活過? (陳先生, 借用你的詞一下)

已經和滿足在那瘋狂的時候有你們陪伴﹐就算以後不是全員到齊﹐也無所謂。
因為我相信只要有食物有啤酒的地方, 就一定有mafia在﹐ 對嗎? ;)

我有我的路, 有我的夢 (sorry, 陳先生, 又用到你的詞, my vocabulary too lousy haha)
大家都是一樣。
總不可能10 個人永遠都死綁著不放。

Whatever each of your decisions are, you all have my support and my respect, because you all have given me too much.
(ps: sorry for the mushiness hehe)

這麼一過就差不多有四年多了。
我永遠都不後悔一直以來所作過的瘋狂舉動﹐因為這些都已成為我生命中最美好的回憶。

A whole new world

Today, I'm still going to blog about them, but not in the same way anymore.

I'm not going to say about what happened today, nor about what they wore, their every gesture nor what I said to them or what they said to me.

Its not that I'm tired of them. They will always have my support and my gratitude for giving me what I have and for helping me realise so many things about my life.

I am just tired of being a 'fan' per-say. I just wan to be someone to appreciates their music. I just want to see them perform song after song. Just give me that and take away whatever autograph sessions.

As performers, I'm sure nothing beats live performances as well.

And looking at them up on that stage today, I was thinking about much more. Don't start hurling things at me but I started to miss my band, and I began to wonder when our next performance can be. I envied them in a way.. for having this chance to perform so often. But then again, they probably have so many other things that aren't worth envying.. especially with regards to having to entertain fans all the time, everywhere they go.

Sometimes, I can see it in their expressions. The tiredness, the cannot-be-helped looks, but still they try their best to smile (this has been and still is one reason why I respect them so much). They may not want to entertain, but they do their part nonetheless.

Its this respect that still drives me to their performances no matter what. As long as they perform, I will definitely be there.

I guess, there are stages to everything. Just like love.
Once you are over the honeymoon stage, you start to see things a little differently.
Puppy love slowly gives way to understanding and respect.

Its probably also that we have sort of found what we want in various aspects of our lives, that we don't need to escape to 'another world' nor find ourselves dependent on others for happiness.

幸福在你手上
They have made our lives different, but they are not everything.
We have our own lives, just as they have their own.
I'm sure what they want is not loyal crazy fans who just throw their entire lives into supporting and following them.
If they love music so much, to want their music to touch the hearts of people, they would hope that these people find meaning through that music in the pursuit of anything in life.

還記得﹐2001年<你要去哪裡>演唱會上﹐阿信這麼說過。
當五月天離開去當兵時﹐就是輪到我們去追求自己的夢想的時候。

我沒忘掉這句話。

broken promises & broken dreams

promises. so easy to make yet so easy to break

I bet you don't even remember what you promised. but it don't matter now.

dreams. i chose to believe but maybe i've just been too silly.

so silly that i'm always on the losing end slogging like an idiot.

what is appreciation? 可以吃的嗎? 當然不可以...

I just can't believe I slogged for the product of my own destruction. How much sillier can i be?

I must learn to be less stupid, I must.

I need to work~

I've never had such a long break in a long while.. altho its only been just a few days of rest, I think I feel even more tired than when I'm busy at work.

Now that I've got a long leave on my hands, I so wish I can go overseas, but I can't.. my pocket doesn't allow it.

So, what have I been up to? Sleeping, eating and eating and eating and eating, and trying to write songs, practicing my keyboard, contemplating if I shd go take up jazz piano or retake my driving test.

And I've been thinking too, if I can find another place to go work while i continue to gain experience there first. But where else can I go to, or rather which other place will take me in? I've just gotta be real good enough to be headhunted first I guess. Whatever it is, I'm really itching to go back to work but then can't really bear to give up the long awaited leave that I've always wanted to have.

I'm a self confessed workaholic. I can't really stop to rest for too long... been working during every school vacation I had after A levels.

Right now, I just gotta decide on which day to cut short my leave till then head on back to work :P

So, whats the next show for me? I wanna know too!

To my dear mafia

Do things change as we grow older? Have perspectives changed? Or is it simply because our bodies and minds are growing weary?

I miss those days when we had so much energy to just do so many crazy things. Maybe our priorites have changed now over time. Not that we were insensible in the past, but I guess we probably truly had more energy then and alot of things that we saw, heard and experienced, drained out too much from us to be replaced.

I don't like how things have become too, but I want to experience that fun and laughter with you guys, the mafia. The silliness of melting in the sweltering heat of a stairway, staking it out and feeling high on our own, trying to fix the little plastic fans and drinking liang cha to cool ourselves down. The many meetings we fix up outside and online just to get even the simplest things done. The amount of noise pollution we caused at so many fast food restaurants as well.

I like the rushing around, not truly to see them but it was the feeling of being with you guys. It feels as though I have so many people in life who are willing to do so crazy things together with me. How many people can truly say they have friends like that.

If there was no mafia, I wouldn't have gone through all those things on my own.

And just as shir says, we are the mafia, so we are in everything together ya? Lets enjoy ourselves and each time they come, is our excuse to take time off our own busy schedules to get together and just be mad.

Lets have a blast! ;)

And then we can go on with chasing our own dreams...

This is what I want

oh yes, finally, i can blog again...

missed out on alot of things that I wanted to write about for the last week.

So much has happened and so much I've seen, heard and experienced.

My first big show.. went pretty well at least :)
Goodbye to the superheroes that I'm already so tired of seeing repeatedly :P
And thanks to everyone who helped me out. We survived the many times when we were left with so much time to kill, and thank you to the 2 of you who almost went hoarse talking non stop for 3 long days.
I will remember to insert breaks in between in future!

Took 2 weeks leave with the intention to finish up my school work. But right now, on the 3rd day, I decided to give it all up and settle with what I already have. The additional degree, my job and my band.

I don't need the extra credentials. It won't increase my pay, it won't make me a different person from what I am now, it won't open the door to better opportunities. It is my experience gained through my job that will.

And when I decided to stop, I suddenly felt empty and bored. I miss working and I wanted to go back to work.
Maybe I'll just cut my leave to 1 week instead and go back next week.

Yes, I do want to start on a new project. As much as coordinating and liaising with some irritating people can be so frustrating, running the final show successfully can be such a satisfaction.

I will return to work next week, but for the few days left that I have.. maybe I can use it (as I always wanted to) to finally go write more songs and work on those that we have only bits and pieces of.

I will not go back to studying again. If ever, one day I were to say I miss studying, somebody please remind me about this entry. I never thought that I will end up on the road that I am now and I thought I hated it, but somehow, I'm starting to love it more and more.

I hope it'll take me somewhere eventually. Wherever it is, I'm keeping my fingers crossed and my eyes ahead.