dried up

don't know why I can't really blog these days. bothered by too much stuff... especially school. But whats new right??

Heart just feels very heavy these days, even though its christmas, I don't feel extremely happy. Last christmas wasn't the happiest one either, was with bro in hospital after his surgery. We didn't even attend the annual family gathering last year, just to spend christmas with bro at the hospital. This year, I'm lost....

I can't even get myself to update the web news ot do any translations. The moment I open Dreamweaver, I sigh and I just close it. sometimes I just feel like leaving the news section to rot.. but then again.. its one of the main attractions of our site, after all the hard work, the brainstorming, the planning, the coordination, the nights and days of rotating shifts as well as tensions undergone to get the whole site up..... I can't let the site just fall apart..

But what can I do now?? I can't even pick up my book to do my research. I don't even wanna really do anything.

Helped mum to cook today, I do love cooking just that I'm often too lazy to carry out such an activity, because when you cook you've gotta wash up after that too. Guess if I wasn't in this down mood, I wouldn't have been cooking.

Hope my mood picks up and I find that drive and energy to start my work once again. And to finally find myself an attachment.. even though I'm worried of being rejected, since males are often preferred as coolies when you do live sound. What kind of world is this?

2005, I don't feel very ready for it... but I'm already near the edge...

Rox... rocks... pebbles?

Its been quite a while since I've blogged abt social phenomenons that always bugged me. And this one really really bugs me.

I wonder how it started too.. it just popped out of nowhere, somewhat like a new generation term that seems to have bastardized a once very cool and exclusive term. It is not just overused now... it is rottenly used.

I began noticing this on friendster, how many of the generation below my own (ok, i'm old.. I never denied it) loves to use the word 'rocks' and 'rox'. If its an attempt to be cool and to try to talk cool, I think its an awfully terrible one indeed. So much so, that each time i see this word being used, I begin to cringe and reminisce the times when 'rock' was used only very appropriately when it should be. To describe people who truly 'rocked' the era with their attitudes and styles or personalities.

But these days in Singapore, eveybody rox!!
or I would say.... rot

You may call me a linguistic conservatist but at least, use the correct tense and correct plurality!
I rocks
You rocks
They rocks
Everybody rocks
..................
(seems like only the last one sounds right)
But then, this is exactly how this term is being used.... everywhere. And I mean... everywhere.

As much as I hate the phrase 'no outside food allowed', the bastardized form of 'no food products purchased beyond these premises may be consumed', I really hate the way that 'rox' and 'rocks' are being used.

If Singaporeans want an identity, I don't think this is a very good one.

It makes me start to wonder if my own generation had bastardized anything...
Bastardized.. brilliant word haha.. thank you boh for adding this word to my vocabulary.

Truly, I fear what the next generation may churn out next.

MD Mafia Updated Dictionary II

1) 帥噢﹗你不要我要 (嗯... 真的嗎?)
2) 需要幫忙嗎? 我是男人
3) 好奇寶寶
4) kaypoh 寶寶
5) Airport 要關了
6) 印度放假啊?
7) 前凸後翹
8) 晚安! 歡迎光臨!
9) 錢嘛!...... 錢leh!
10) 很像尼姑﹗
11) 一千塊噢!
12) 月光寶盒
13) 不要搖腳!
14) 偷狗摸雞
15) 美女!!! (applies to anybody)
16) 一矮還有一矮矮
17) 嗯~~~~~~~我要 (真的真的很要的感覺!)
18)冰變 (剩下的只是水)

I'm at back home

Not sure if this is really home now. As I took the flight back yesterday on my own, I said goodbye to my brother and my parents. It felt as though my home was there with them and I was coming to sg alone. My bro even made a joke that I was coming to sg to study. Truly, I felt sad as I left. Of course, it wasn't as though I wouldn't see my parents soon. They'll be back next Tue anyway.

I just felt a real tinge of sadness when I heard my bro tell me at the airport that he and his girlfriend have finally decided to stay on in Melbourne for permanent residency. I never expected that I would actually miss my brother that much. Even when he first left sg to study in melb, I'll have to admit I didn't really miss him. I was enjoying having a bathroom all to myself, and even an extra room at my own disposal.

But after this trip to Melb, I experienced what its like to have an elder brother again, someone to care for me, pamper me, to bully me, to talk to me about his life or my life. A brother who was always very close to me but wasn't very much at my side for 3 years, suddenly in the past 4 days, I felt it all again. Even when he came back each year to sg, I never felt what I felt in the past 4 days. And last year having to go through the hospital drama when he had to go for surgery. I really miss having a brother right now.

Probably I never felt this before, because in the past, there was an end to the wait. I knew it was going to be 3 years. But now, I know he won't be living in this house again for a long time, till he can return for a trip. And as I looked at his room, his things in our bathroom, I just felt sad. Its silly, but its true.. and I always envied those who have siblings at their side.

But then again, I want the best for my bro. If he comes back, he and his gf will be separated by distance. So staying there might be the best for them. And since my dad loves the idea of migrating too. I guess, in the end, it'll be left with me coz pepper will surely follow my dad wherever he goes. I will have to strike it out on my own.

Maybe I'll get over this soon enough. We all have our own lives to lead. At least I know that they are happy =). And I get to have free lodging, food and transport each time I visit Melb too =P.

Enough of the sad stuff... this trip, wasn't much of a tour really, coz I was there for my brother's and his gf's graduation. Will blog more on what happened when I come back from lunch. Hungry!! Its dinner time in Melb anyway...

byebye singapore!!

I always wanted a break, but then even though I'm leaving for melbourne later, it isn't going to be much of a break, coz i'll still have to do my homework there.

Anyway, can't blog much. Still have my luggage to finish packing. Clothes not dry from the damp weather of the past few days... got homework to burn into CD, wanna do more work still. Been too busy this entire week... too much to do, and at this moment, I realise there is just too much to do before I fly off later. Just came back from the carolling at CHIJMES too.. and from another wedding earlier in the morning plus a couple of hours of practices..... madness..........

Byeee everyone!! Next time I blog, I will be in Melbourne.

Cockroach Tales

No, you don't have to crush it nor do you have to chase after it with a can of pesticide. Neither do you have to arm yourself with a shoe or anything else in sight that can help you smash it.

I like to call them 'xiao qiang' but when they end up in my house, they become our public enemy number one... a trait i inherited from my mum. Especially after one time when I accidentally dropped a cockroach into my boiling pot of noodles because it was lingering on the plastic packaging of the noodles, and in shock I flung the packaging aside only to have the cockroach end up in the boiling water... There goes the cockroach. There goes my noodles. I dumbed the cockroach flavoured noodles, scrubbed the pot clean and started on my new bowl of noodles...

So, how then do you remove a cockroach effectively from your home?

Method #1 (Humane)
Capturing and releasing it into the 'wild'

Things you need:
- a plastic container
- a matching cover (make sure it matches!)
- a piece of paper just in case

Arm yourself with the plastic container, make sure the cockroach is on a flat surface then cover it up quickly. Note that this only works if the cockroach is on a flat surface!! Do not try it otherwise...

If the cockroach willingly climbs onto the container and off from the floor, quickly... I mean really really quickly, slip the cover beneath and close it shut.
If the cockroach stubbornly stays put on the ground, then use the paper and slowly slip it between the floor and the cockroach. Slip the cover below the paper and close it shut. This one requires more precision when you try to lift the paper with the cockroach on it (the cockroach isn't that light you know..)

The final step is to open the rubbish chute and throw the container in. If you have the intention of releasing it back into the 'wild' (after watching too much discovery channel), then leave the cover a little open. But I wouldn't risk it climbing back into my home ;)



Method #2 (Inhumane)
Instant non-chemical extermination

Things you need:
- A container of any sort
- Hot boiling water

This works best when the cockroach is on uneven surfaces and when its not in an area where you'll be afraid of your things getting soaked by steaming water.

Fill the container with hot boiling water, the hotter the better. Splash the water with a rough precision in the direction of the cockroach and wa-la! the job is done at an instant. You can then proceed to start hunting for where it has fallen and probably go about cleaning your things in that area after that.

Highly effective. But you gotta pick it up after the job is done (yuck).



The above methods are credited to boh for teaching me so much about cockroaches and even showing me live demos.

Its a small world after all

There I was at the cathedral of CHIJMES yesterday, as I walked into it, I didn't know I was blocking the way of the bride and groom who were preparing to walk in for a rehearsal, so I stepped aside and just watched.

I looked at the bride, nothing clicked.. then I looked again..... and realised that she was my primary school classmate and a very good friend of mine in the past. But as we grew up, our personalities differed, so I never kept much contact with her any longer. You know what I mean, its from a very close friendship turned awkward. Nothing bad happened really, its just a natural drift apart thing when friends just end up having different directions in life and different thinking processes.

Ok, back to the story. I realised she was my friend.. and I was desperately in my mind, trying to search for a sign of her name. Fiona I thought... could it be, I was unsure for so long until I saw her mother. Yes, I still recognize her mother! But the thing is, I have changed alot ever since my primary school days, from a bespectabled XXL little girl to now.

I really didn't know whether to try to talk to her and ask her if she remembered me. So all the while I just stood on the stage, rehearsing with my choir as she and her mother watched on, wondering if she actually recognized me. But she never did show a sign that she did.... and I never tried to ask her if she did. What a tragedy of friendship, I thought... I never expected that fate would bring me to sing for her wedding after we had lost contact for so many years. Whats more, she was one of those primary sch best friends whom I would always invite to my birthdays.

Its bothered me since I saw her. Should I try to go talk to her on her big day itself and congratulate her on her marriage? I wish I could find that courage, but I'm afraid that it would become an awkward situation. There.... this is just me... I always worry too much. Maybe she'll recognize another primary school friend of mine, in the same choir, who will be there on her wedding day too. Maybe then, I could outrightly congratulate her even if that once strong friendship had eventually turned us into almost complete strangers today.

終於!!

Finally, finally, at long long long long last.... I have finished the neverending story! And its a record 26 pages long. My lecturer's requirement was more than 3k words. I gave him 13k... and he can keep the change =P.

*giving myself a hard pat on the back now*

Ok, I won't paste the entire lor sor story here, will have it placed at the Visual Journal here http://visual-journal.blogspot.com/. If you are game for reading a super long essay but and interesting one on Mayday and the Beatles, be my guest. Its especially good for helping some of those at work who have no more blogs to read, occupy their time haha.

Gotta move on to the next assignment when I come back later. Off to the carolling rehearsal at CHIJMES.......

MD Mafia Updated Dictionary

1) 帥噢﹗你不要我要 (嗯... 真的嗎?)
2) 需要幫忙嗎? 我是男人
3) 好奇寶寶
4) kaypoh 寶寶
5) Airport 要關了
6) 印度放假啊?
7) 前凸後翹
8) 晚安! 歡迎光臨!
9) 錢嘛!...... 錢leh!
10) 很像尼姑﹗
11) 一千塊噢!
12) 月光寶盒
13) 不要搖腳!
14) 偷狗摸雞
15) 美女!!! (applies to anybody)
16) 一矮還有一矮矮 (correct??)

M.A.Y.D.A.Y.

This is Mayday's logic of why Mayday will always be successful despite new bands emerging, as they brought out during a local radio interview.

F.I.R has 3 people and their band name has 3 syllables
S.H.E has 3 people and their band name has 3 syllables
B.A.D has 3 people and their band name has 3 syllables
M.A.Y.D.A.Y has got 5 members but their band name has 6 syllables, so they've always got an alphabet more than these bands, and that means, they'll always win!

Or so thinks Ashin..

Although this twisted and absolutely nonsensical logic doesn't make much sense, I still think that Mayday always has a winning formula in them that many bands out there do not have.

People said that they would go downhill after their national service hiatus, but Mayday proved them wrong.
People asked Mayday if they were intimidated by F.I.R, but Mayday was just interested in doing their very own style of music, which is no particular style.
People said that lead vocal Ashin might go solo, but Mayday has so fast stuck to each other as a band... a band of very good friends. A bunch of friends who could laugh, play, enjoy each other's company but at the same time be terribly serious when it comes to music.
If you still don't know why I love them so much, then I think you are missing out on too much, far too much.

Its odd how many people have different concepts of what Mayday means as a band.

Hardrockers don't find them rock enough and that they shouldn't even be called a rock band because they don't know what the legendary 'rock' is. But let me tell these people that rock is not just a definite genre of music, it encompasses a whole history of social change and correlation to the world of music development. The history of rock music varies right from Elvis, the Rolling Stones, the Beatles, Guns and Roses, Bon Jovi, U2, and to the east where there's Cui Jian, Wu Bai and Beyond. Rock music constantly evolves and it evolves to integrate many other genres into the very genre of rock, so much so that there is no one single idea of 'rock' any longer. Rock, is not a style of music if you ask me, it is a sort of determination and a sort of courage to experiment, and to dare to dream or be different.

In Mayday's words, 搖滾是一種生活態度... 是一種文化, just as the very courage that Elvis has showed in his passion for music right to his death, or the serious attitude of the Beatles in conveying love and peace within their songs.

Rock music is not about being cool or acting like you are some Ah beng. Its not about the clothes you wear or how funky your guitar looks. Nor is it the amount of distortion and overdrive that you can create from your guitar and huge amp. If thats the way you think rock music is, then you are missing the point altogether, and your perception of music is far too narrow because rock music is also classical, it is also jazz, it is also folk and it is also ethnic.

Then, there is the media who often describes Mayday as a boyband. Well, not very different from the perception of the hardcore rockers who think that Mayday shouldn't even be a rockband. Don't even wanna comment too much on this.. because I think these media don't even have much idea of who Mayday is and had a true listen at their music.

Amazingly, today I came across this article on sg idol in the newspaper that mentioned Mayday. According to the article, it says that a particular CEO of a particular production house commented how "I see him in a hip Mayday-like band", hmmm..... hip????!?!? Another head of a record co/prod house who is just a business man rather than a musician and knows nuts about music?? Probably.. can't say for sure, or else I'll get sued in my own blog =P.

Anyway, going out of point for a while and harping in the same article... i was absolutely lost for words to read that "while Sim's diction in English may be lacking, his Mandarin appeared flawless".... erm excuse me... have you listened carefully? "說" and " 縮" are definitely different....
And if you talk about singing rock, I think a certain friend of mine can sing much better =P

Well, what is mass appeal anyway... its exists in this world but its something that is not in my dictionary and its something that you can lecture me 10 days on it, and it still won't drill into me. I will never be able to understand it. Just as its not that easy to convert a hardcore rocker into trying to understand the true concept of rock.

I only know what music is and what good music is.
Music is defined by ourselves. If you think F4 is good, then it is good. If you think Mr Sim's Chinese is flawless then it is flawless.

To me, Mayday remains the best.

A New Record!

I have been at home for 5 days in a row! Never had I achieved this is a long long time. I want to thank the Singapore garmen for taking sh into a simulated war zone for the last 4 days, I want to thank them for making me save some money by eating instant noodles and whatever I can find in the fridge, but then I also did go buy stuff to refill the fridge....hmm....

Instant noodles, just reminds me of dong and his processed food ethics. But to me, if you gotta die someday, you just will die. Bovril and mee.... you still have to buy Bovril! troublesome for a lazy bum like me.. I'll stick with the slow death of eating chemicals that are already slowly producing cancerous cells in me. At least I add vegetables to my mee, so healthy! =P What an irony that I'm an irony.

In these 5 days, I have seriously been trying to do my work! Believe me?
The first 2 days, I was trying really really really hard to get myself out of the Mayday mood and into the study mood.. it helped a tiny weeny little. Because on the 3rd day, I got to writing my thesis again! And yesterday, I wrote another few paragraphs to finally top it up to 16 pages. 16 pages... you might think thats alot, yes I think that's a lot too, but why do I still have so much unfinished business to write about? Today, I'm doing my work now. Well, not exactly now now, but you get what I mean.

When my thesis is done, I shall paste the whole thing here.. maybe almost 30 pages, as sh predicts, then blogger will choke from trying to process it. As if anybody wants to read. I think my lecturer will faint when he sees the number of pages too!

I think... I should just stop writing theses on Mayday. They just get so so long.... its as though I feel I gotta do them justice, so I write and write and write. But then, as if Mayday would read it...

Just let me finish with this one and I can test blogger's endurance hahah.

Argh!!

After typing out my long blog.... blogger ate up the whole thing and left only the topic!!
Its not the first time.... this time I'm not gonna blog again........................................

*smoke coming out from head*

The embodiment of procrastination

There are just times like these, when you feel down and you doubt yourself. I'm worried about all my work and I just can't seem to get them done. Its not like me, I know it, I wasn't like this in nus. Is my current school atmosphere to blame? There doesn't seem to be much motivation in doing the work anymore.. there is no feedback, no grades, no one bothering if you even hand up or when you hand up.

Or is it just me? Is it just me losing my energy as I walk along this rugged path.

能不能暫時把你的勇氣給我
在夢想快消失的時候

I understand so much, how Mayday must be feeling as they wrote these lyrics. At times when you don't know where else to gather yourself, you just need some kind of invisible energy to help you, a belief and a hope in something that matters alot to you. To borrow that strength from that ever-strong figure for our own weak minds and bodies.

People used to call me superwoman. In fact, I'm really not. I know I overstretch myself sometimes from all the things that I have to do, and its impossible to do all well.. you tend to neglect some. Just as in Mayday's "superman"

為什麼拯救地球 終於完美結局 為什麼 我只能夠 眼看著愛燃燒成 灰燼

I hope that what I never lose, are my loved ones nor my passion and my dreams.

逆風的方向 更適合飛翔
Is it true?
I always like to do what others don't do. What others find popular, I turn away from it. Its just my relentless bid to be different. I know its crazy, but its the way I define my own identity.
Its going against the direction of the wind.. I do that all the time, just as I did when I took up this course. But flying against the wind isn't always that simple... it takes alot.. and I mean alot of belief and perseverance.

At times I wish I could just have a talk with Mayday about their music compositions, recording or production techniques.. just music talk. I wish I could ask them things I don't know and they could relate their own expertise to me. I don't even really care if I get to take a photo with them, I don't need to sit down to have a meal with them and I don't even wanna try to touch them. Just let me into the studio and watch them record and learn. Let me be able to ask them certain techniques they have used in their recording and them being able to answer readily and openly. I just want to learn...

為什麼要給我　一顆跳動的心臟
又把我　丟在這寂寞戰場
這世界有多大我就有多徬徨
有沒有一點希望　讓我去闖　天涯海角　讓我去闖

But probably its not their choice that they can't..... they are just overpopular in Taiwan and have too many fans bombarding them with questions. Who am I to consult them on such issues?

But all these don't really matter, coz they are things that I can't change. I can only keep working hard to show to Mayday what I can achieve with my own strength and them as role models. I want to have something to show to them when they come back (hopefully). I don't want to just stay put, i want to keep moving.
Let me find this strength, let me just find myself enough to walk towards the first finish line and from there take off for my own dreams..
They've said that the process is more important than achieving the dream itself, but it is also the process that is the hardest....

I have to know that I am not doing all these for anybody, not for Mayday, not for parents, but for myself. The only single thing I'm doing for myself, I can't find that strength...
Focus focus focus....... keep going.....keep looking forward.. the day will come.... dreams can come true...

OH! 啥物攏不驚 OH!向前走

Mayday, help me keep believing...