time time time

less than 5 hours to sleep.

17 and a half hours to work non stop.

about less than 4 hours to check in.

and then another 5 more hours before hong kong.

everything will happen really quickly tomorrow and before I know it i'll be on the plane, trying to catch enough rest for the energy lost in the past few days..
energy enough for me to have fun for the next 5 days =)

I will find that energy no matter what. Its my new found freedom once again.

Generation gap?

Is it because of a 10 year difference in age? Or simply a case of bad english, and even bad singlish.

I mean, at least spell things as they should be spelled.

Its with the advent of the internet that spelling started to get a little more screwed up. Sure, there was short form and abbreviations, but its starting to get a little weird with words just missing an alphabet in each. Does it make it harder to type an extra alphabet?

Is it cool? Or is it in to type that way?

Is this the new generation-speak?

Its quite scary.. makes you wonder if they still know how to spell things properly in daily life. I'm not even gonna go into grammar and phrasing..

Just looking at the new generation type, gives me heart attacks. Maybe I'm old.. I hope its that way. If not I believe our country will be in trouble as each new generation takes over.

Trying to close my eyes at the excitment going on right now and trying not to feel embarrassed by the fact that young singaporeans can't use proper english, as our government would like to claim. Its pretty worrying really.

I hope they get bored soon =P, I really do. My heart can only take it for a certain period of time.

blogging while my hair dries

back from another late night jam. quite killing on the pocket but all in the name of music...

gotta wonder how i'm gonna sustain this come Jan. it was actually quite suicidal to want to spend money to go to hk especially when i'll be jobless.. but i just needed to get away, breathe cold air, smell some dim sum and listen to some language that i didnt' know.

I wanted to just get away somewhere with him, away from all frustrations and troubles, to rethink our lives and what we want to do, where we want to go from here.

coming up with various strategies to earn my keep after i return from hk.. not sure if its feasible though, but i'll try while trying to find a job that i will love (still rather picky with jobs....).

he hates it when we talk about money, so all the more i gotta make sure we always have enough. waiting for the day he graduates and for him to 'feed' me while i sit at home and just play music =P (that would be the life!)

back to the topic of the jam session. things seemed happier today. maybe it was because we had a visitor, or maybe because we just felt happier =). Although the sound today sucked coz of the lousy guitars... i somehow thought we played better (hope its not my imagination).

hx, i hope you get to buy your guitar later. but first, i hope you remember to wake up to go queue at 7am (heheheh)

had a surprise today when we reached the studio, saw a familiar face.. and felt quite paiseh that he was there haha. how can you not be, when its a band you always work with and they're far younger, yet they play better than your own band. *guilt* *shame* *bury head in the ground*

anyway, before us, there was also a band.. sounded really good, but we weren't very sure if things sounded full because they were playing along to the actual song (sour grapes la... hahaha). but its really seldom that you see bands doing chinese songs. so it got me thinking, if they were practicing for that band competition on tv? =P hmmm.. maybe i'm thinking too much.

i seem to be making no headway in this blog entry... just throwing stuff out of my brain right now.. hoping that my hair dries and I can get to sleep. 3 more days of work to go....

just go and never come back?

How I wish.

Its easy for him to do so, leave here and stay in Aus forever. I would so love to leave too, but wherever mum is, I know I gotta be there.

Who else will she have to give her emotional support, if I were to leave as well? Especially faced against a crazy old man.

And so long as she wants to be with him, I have to put up with all his weird antics, logics and incessant nagging. Truly, i've never met a man more naggy... naggy yet egoistic (the ultimate combination).

My tactic? Coming home late, and hiding in my room, avoiding any chances of conversation with him (knowing that it will always be a disaster). Its what my bro is doing now as well and he claims he'll never come back again once he steps out of the country.

I'm not telling him alot about my life either. He doesn't need to know... or rather, its better that he does not know. Its become that there's no need to tell him so much or for him to know truths and facts. That way, I have more peace.

He's not a great listener. In fact, there has never been 2 way communication since I don't know when. I'm not even going to try and change him after 25 years.

Generation gap? or simply too high expectations? or is it a lack of trust in family? or even.. not knowing how to show concern in the right way? I'm not about to fault him in anything. I'm already quite used to his nonsense. Bro and him practically have been fighting all my life (other than when he returns to aus). Mum has also learnt to become stronger, which I'm glad.

I still love him as a father, but I just don't know how to feel close to him. Financially, he has done a great job over the years.. but its all too lacking, emotionally...

Its their wedding anniversary, 28th Dec 1975. ... i remember the past years when we always celebrated with you guys. We'll still be having dinner as usual.. but its going to be a pretty quiet and cold one i'm sure.

4 years come to naught

i've said what i wanted to say, and i've done what should have been done to my best ability.

I don't seek to be understood nor do i feel that i need to explain anything. the cards have always been open on the table for all to see. if its not enough, then I guess its all that i can give.

its easy to feel angry or upset, but i don't feel any of these. over angry? not either.. i feel totally at peace right now.

even families fall apart and go separate ways.

a pity? yup, perhaps.. especially after 4 years. but a greater pity that after 4 years, what I do, is still not plain enough for all to see.

But like i said, I don't demand anything. I will move on with life.. continue to do what I do, give out what I can give. I don't have money, but I know I have other abilities that can benefit people.

just about 5 days more...

And i'll be leaving that place. its 2 different feelings overwhelming me.

I've never had such fun colleagues who I can grow so close to in such a short time. I miss the ones who already left, and I'll start to miss those I'll be leaving as well. Maybe its just the nature of our job that we go through so much, rain and shine, rubbish and injustice yet at the same time, laughter and joy.

I never had so much fun in any job before. This I have to admit.

The first one which I did with Sc, S, J and C was truly the best and most memorable for me. Plus also that chance to meet so many bands and watch them grow. It couldn't have been better. And there simply hasn't been another show like that, ever since then.

But I guess, while there are some who make me real happy to be there.. there are the other factors and 'leaders' there who make it unmotivating to work on. Just like I told her in my long emails. I'm a simple person.. I don't ask for lots of money, I just like to be appreciated for what I do. The one thing I hate most, is when people doubt my seriousness and dedication towards work (because they think they are superior and like to throw their weight around). So if anyone feels I can't do my role well, its not respecting what I do, so fine.. I'll just step out.

What I'll miss:
Going to work at 10am (good because its later than any regular job)
Munching and laughing around in the office (including throwing paper balls at A)
Giving all the guys in our company nicknames
Rushing from meeting to meeting without eating and feeling sick in the taxis (its an adrenalin rush)
meeting the multifaceted and interesting bunch of people at each show
ahlian for always being so friendly and nice to me
the mice scrambling in the ceiling boards above us and occasionally coming down to visit us
the challenge of running things 'live'

What I won't miss:
paying for the exorbitant amount of taxi fares
worrying about how to fill up time when GOHs arrive late
people shouting in my face with their smelly mouths
people thinking i'm playing instead of working (ultimate insult)
people who think they are the kings/queens
backstabbing and banging of tables
the lack of thank yous from the most important person in the company

still not very keen on the last show on sat.. but i'll just do it anyway. And I'll be off to hk and to the next chapter of my life.

My bro said, go to hk, find a job there.. don't come back. How I wish...

disappointment?

on christmas day?

it does seem to be alittle off for this jolly season. But, I guess.. I'm not really disappointed. I could see it all along. I wonder why we are always thinking so much and worrying so much all the time.

I just get the feeling alot of times, that nobody is really interested in offering solutions or making constructive suggestions. Its been that way for so many issues. Maybe we were slow to realise it, or maybe we just thought we should try to accomodate everybody. Or maybe.. mindsets have deviated and everyone's got different agendas.

But it doesn't really matter to me =). Both of us will still be together anyway whatever it is. We'll still be us.. doing what we always do.

Our agenda is simple.. to have fun, yet remain low.
To have another friend is better than having another enemy.
Consider all consequences before taking any action.
Think of how others will feel, for everything that we do.
And most of all... don't invite unneccessary trouble.

Well.. life goes on.
有些人經過我身旁住在我腦中在我心裡鑽洞
有些人變成相片堆在角落灰塵像雪一樣冰凍

On a lighter note, we'll be off to hk next week.. after the eeky countdown (that i just can't get out off.. makes it worse that i see the other one advertised all the time). hk! macau! here we come!

tomorrow

its just a day away.. but somehow, it feels like any other day...

what does christmas mean to you? decorations, trees and turkey? or a time when you feel pressured to buy presents for each other? and the time of the year when your boss treats you to a meal and everyone does a gift exchange?

all these, i'm facing this year. my pocket is low, so i got cheapo presents (because we have to buy for every single person in the company).. feel paiseh to even give them but i'm just gonna do it anyway. What to do.. need money to go hk..

But the point is, is this simply what christmas is about?

Last christmas, Da Niu was in hospital and I remember spending time there with him. I got him his favourite transformer collectible even though it cost a bomb.. but I wanted to comfort him with it. It was already bad enough that he was in pain, and his girlfriend couldn't come over to be with him.

That christmas season, we went around carolling for people. I love carolling.. the feeling that christmas songs give to you. The motivation behind running around from place to place just to sing.

That christmas dawn. We were in church. I was with the choir.. but felt lost about the songs that were being sung coz i missed alot of practices as I was spending alot of time at the hospital. We started to sing this hymn... and when we got to "fall on your knees.. oh hear the angel's voices...", tears welled up in my eyes because it was the song Da Niu would always sing when we were younger and he couldn't be there at the mass with us.

Last christmas, was the last time i was with the choir...

This christmas... I still haven't returned although I promised them I would. I just can't find that energy to somehow, my fear of not being able to commit to them. I so want to be part of them for the celebration tonight.. the only way now, is to stand in the crowd away from them, and sing for Him with all my heart.

Midnight.. it'll be christmas.

But now.. its time to go give out my cheapo presents, because its 'company tradition'

m.u.s.i.c

today's jamming went pretty well. It was weird that my cold stopped during that period and started running, the instant i got into the cab.

Tried to hold out today with my voice, especially with that bryan adams song. totally reminded me of its my life haha (was also nursing a cold when we did that song). still i can never understand why i want to torture myself by tranposing it higher.

And yup finally, today after so so long, we've got a 2nd original to our name. er.. we still pretty much remain without a name actually but what the heck, doesn't really matter.

If we can keep this working pace up during every jam session, it will simply be ideal.

I don't want to sell songs as a composer, nor strive to cut an album to become famous. I don't want a band because its cool. I just want the luxury of coming together with a band every week or every now and then.. to play music and create our own music (from the very basics right till the end). Our arrangements may not be professional, but at least we know, it went through our own hands (perhaps over influenced by mayday...)

If only I was that good, I could survive as a full time musician. But fate decrees.. I am simply not. So, I still gotta find another means of survival while I continue with this dream of playing with a band. I never want to wake up from it.

But we don't just play for ourselves, we play for people. I love entertainment, show biz, the audience's response and applause but not the glitz and the glamour.

My next dream is to play in a cafe or bar or simply anywhere. Can it come true?

Open my own? Maybe... maybe i just might do so. Who knows? ;)

what a joke

On MC today and I was watching tv... this particular local channel was extremely ferocious in advertising for an upcoming competition to look for bands, following their series of cheesy though-to-be-successful star and idol contests.

So comes the word 'band'.. what comes to your mind? mayday yep.. Its what they included inside their list of the type of contestants they are looking for.

Rock bands (Eg Wu Bai, May Day)
Boybands (Eg F4, Energy, 5566)
Girlbands (Eg S.H.E., Twins)
Hip hop/rap groups (Eg Machi)
Pop-rock groups (Eg F.I.R.)
Acapella groups (Eg S.B.D.W.)
Duets (Eg JJ's duet with Jin Sha)

Well.. I must say that their range is certainly great. Duets considered as bands too? Ok..... doesn't matter, I take it that each has his own definition of a band.

But check this out..

Applicants can bring along acoustic instruments but not instruments that need amplification.

Rock band... no amplification? ya... so you do an acoustic set, thats fine (you have to cut out your truly rock songs) but then.... there's this.

Judging Criteria
A panel of professional judges made up of dance choreographers and image stylists will be invited to each show to play judge to the bands.

I think it speaks for itself.

screwed up

thats how the show went today. coz of people all trying to do things their way, nobody really wanting to listen to me.. and therefore you guys pissed them off. gosh, were they embarrassed...

Sure, I don't have your number of years of experience. But I'm clear about how things are running, I'm clear about what has been communicated. Why not listen to me?

Don't really wanna go through one more show with the 2 of them anymore. 'Lao jiao' they may be.. but they've got a problem with their attitudes.

He probably has pms these 2 days or something, otherwise he just can't believe that anyone can handle what he has been doing for over 10 years, better than him.

She.. her usual, screaming and shouting.

Can't she just let me do the last and final show with S at the other side? I would be so greatful for it, and I would be so much happier there. At least, respect me for my role there.

I'm really sick now. Curbed it for the whole of today with a total of 6 panadols.. went through the show without feeling sick or my nose running.

Now I'm back home, nose is spilling over again. Feeling drowsy and throat queesy... (MC tomorrow! and.. please let it be Friday too)

the reason

i like to believe that there is a reason for everything that we do.. and that everything has a meaning to it.

Have I regretted what I gave up along these years? I never regretted that honors, nor the 2nd honors. Neither do I regret quiting this job. As I go through another event that is under my wing, I know I was right to resign.

I began to find the reason.

It was her. I would like to think that its not and I even stopped to wonder if there was some problem with me that I always 'gave up' on things. I don't really give up on anything, I just find more reason in something else. I never do things blindly unless I understand the meaning behind doing so. In that way, you can call me stubborn.

As I thought through trying to truly find out why I couldn't make myself stay longer in the company, it all became clear. That period before and that period after.

The period before, we were led by J1, who was more organised, had a clear mind, great leadership skills and could communicate more clearly and efficiently. Work... became more like fun.

The period after, J2 returned to the company to dominate as the queen of all departments. J1 left because she was disappointed with the company. J2, could multitask very well but was less clear headed, always talked in circles and most of the time contradicts what she says before. Definitely difficult to work for. Things became dreary from then, till now. J2 shouldn't have lost such a good staff like J1.

Today.. the same usual mess due to J2's inefficient communication skills, the bid to always try to do everything and anything.

I know, I can't work under such a leader. Do I regret quiting? I thought of staying on a month or so to help J2 out. I really considered.

But in the end, I know I shouldn't. She's too good at acting blur.

That's why.. I outsmarted her by booking a ticket to HK on the 1st of Jan - my last day, and right after my last event =)

HK here I come!

(Nose running like mad.. just returned from the faraway venue, off to shower...)

Constantly searching...

I still remember blogging some months ago about how I had finally got to doing what I've always wanted to do.. my job and my band. But at this point of time, I'm not so sure again.

Things have slowed down.

There are certain things we gotta work out together. I want us all to stay together, to grow stronger and improve and work on our dream to just play music. maybe cbh is right... take a year off just to play music. I love the idea. You guys game for it? If there's just another one person who is in for this challenge, I'm willing to go for it and just manage with a non full time job.

But what if any of us gets offered a good job that we've always wanted. Can we fight off that temptation to just do one year of music. What happens after that one year if we missed out important opportunities in our own careers?

Life is always a dilemma, isn't it? Whats more, it takes all of us to be in it together. Compromise and effort has to come from each of us. Can this be possible?

As for my job, I think I've said it too many times before.. the way the company is run, its depressing. The events covered.. well, they're getting a little depressing also. I want more... am I being too greedy? I've tried applying for another particular company for the 2nd time already. Am I not good enough for them? Why don't they even give me a try?

Feeling a little unsure as the new year approaches. What happens after we return from HK? I really don't know. I have no idea too if she will really call me back to help out with productions (after all, I will cost additional money.. it wouldn't make sense to her, if she can just use those she's already paying).

These things can't be rushed. How true. How long it took before i got this job which now I'm gonna leave behind. However, I can't deny how much I've learnt and seen and experienced. Its something I would still never exchange for. But now, its time to move on.... just that the new destination is not yet in sight.

My favourite words of encouragement.. Obstacles are created as a test to how much we really want something. Each time we fall, we pick ourselves up, we learn from it and we treaure it more. Maybe this is it.

Its just 6 days to christmas. A miracle happened 2005 years ago. May a miracle appear for me as well...

loneliness

to me, this is a scary word. I can never survive alone. Its lucky I've got a dog around, when my parents go overseas (since my brother only comes back to singapore once a year). A big house is nice, but a big empty house is quiet.

we spend alot of time together. simply because I always need company. I hate to eat alone especially in a crowded place. I hate to take the bus or train on my own (I always tend to wait for any of my colleagues to leave work together). And I'll never go out, to watch movie, shopping, walk around, all alone.

I know of some people who like to shut themselves away from people at times, just to spend time with themselves. I know of some who like to go catch a movie or sit down at a cafe with a good book on their own. But these are just what I can never do. I need friends. I thrive on them for my basic daily survival. I like always having someone to listen to or talk to during every moment of my life (except when I'm sleeping of course).

Perhaps I expect too much sometimes. But how do you overcome such fears?

2006

Its fast approaching and it will mark quite a number of things for me.

My last official event with them. What happens after? What the arrangement is or whether she agreed to my proposal, I have no idea (as usual).

The day we fly off to HK, after pushing aside the temptation to go to TW once again. But its been quite a while since we've gone somewhere just on our own, so wherever it is, we shall just enjoy ourselves and leave the troubles behind here for 5 days.

A new job? I certainly hope a good one will come my way. Will she help me? Once again.. I have no idea (she's good... she's really one person whose mind cannot be read)

The end of a very very fruitful and interesting year for me, but I'm game for what the new year brings. Bring it on!

What do I really want in the new year? Just to be doing what I love, and for my band to really stay motivated and strong. I'll still be sticking my head in the clouds as I always do, but keeping my feet firmly on the ground at the same time, so I would't fall over and land on my face.

I can't see where I'll be after I return from HK or what life will be like for me, nor do I know where my money for expenses will come from after that either. But I just know, I want to live life and enjoy it while I can and whenever I can. So... when will I find a job that I can really enjoy yet make a reasonable living out of it? =P

And so it is

been feeling tired lately, lots of pimples erupting, and snacking a lot too..

not very sure why, probably its because work has become less challenging and less interesting. Even though I was working harder and was more drained out in the past, I always felt very good after a night's sleep. it doesn't seem to be that way any longer.

at work, its still quite the same with regards to the finger pointing and the shouting and the scoldings.. which made me decide still, not to extend my stay despite her request. The only thing I could agree to, was to freelance. I didn't want to be bonded anymore to them.

My last 2 true shows with them.. are 2 that I don't really want to do. The last one being the worst... cheesy programme that I don't even want to let others know where this stupid show is. Feel embarassed by it and its really sad that she took it on because of the money, rather than with the true intention of putting up a good show that lives up to our reputation.

Probably, its just this that makes me 'si3 xin1'.

She told me she could help me get a job with U. But later changed the topic by saying that going to E would be better for me, although I later told her i liked changing environments and running around... something that U can give me but E cannot. Well, sent her an email today to tell her alot of things.... shall see what she says tomorrow then.

I hope I can do my last show with S, instead of that embarrassing one.

I'm hoping... but chances are slim, because she needs us each at a different location.

I will miss this crazy bunch of people.. at work throwing paper balls at people, giving all the guys female nicknames, munching on snacks and going to karaoke all smelly and sticky. I will leave, but remember to call me back to help out!

PMS

Post Mayday Syndrome. Haven't had it in quite a while, but it was FH that sparked it off all over again.

We were all truly happy. It was like a time capsule which could not hold anything else but happiness. It didnt' matter that there was so much feedback punctuating the songs, it didn't matter that there was the over anxious security who didnt' seem to have much to do and so they needed to find some things to do (like getting pple to move within their seats.. even moving out a bit was wrong). It also didn't matter that there were alot of working partners i knew around... why should image matter when I should be having fun? Neither did it matter the few rows behind us were all seated but only stood up to take photos when mayday came near.

We were in our own world. That time belonged to us. And I want every moment of it to sink deep into my memory.

2001. The day before the concert, we rushed into IRC in search for friends with a common passion. I found them. No more lonely days of hunting down news online and recording every piece of news of MD on tv and catching every episode of OK La. That year, I found him too.

2002. We couldn't have been crazier. We did whatever crazy things we could have possibly done in our lives and things we actually regret doing now (swear never to do it again.. what is it? I'm not telling you =P). The year that MD went on a hiatus and us, in search of our own dreams... The birth of our forum =)

2003. MD never seemed to have left us because we, the crazy people were always together, busy at work with everything MD. Meetings after meetings of I don't really know what either haha. That year, MD came back... and off we went to tw, 3 of us... for MD's reunion concert TKZC.

2004. SG TKZC, Jurong stadium and so many more... we became the mafia =) And we finally got down to the opening of maydaymayday.net. And also the year when that very special event happened (when am I getting married? Why so kaypoh =P). It doesn't even feel so long ago but its the sweetest part of my memory even till now.

2005. The year when things became a little shaky after FH in tw, but I'm glad we're all back together now... to where we were just a few days ago. Arms around one another, singing Pun Soh Chia. It meant so much to me.. I was truly touched that day. The mafia is there once again.

I can tell that MD themselves had a great time during the concert that day. They looked more like they were having fun than putting on a performance. And it was really a warm feeling, being able to see it in their eyes. I'll always remember looking up, and seeing the smiles on their faces or the gleem in their eyes.

Thats what keeps me with them for so long. That sincerity and that acknowledgement, even without words... its strong enough to keep me going.

FH SG... I miss it so badly.

3rd entry for today

Its funny how you want to blog sometimes but you're just stuck, trying to find words to say. And other times like today, when I just can't stop blogging. Or maybe I'm just pathetic =P because SH has gone to sleep and I don't really have anything else to do (and I don't want to go to sleep yet).

I love writing, but it would never become my career. Simply because for me to write something to my own satisfaction, is a very painful process of QC after QC after QC. My NUS days of writing essays saw me sitting in front of my computer for 2 whole days (other than stopping to eat and sleep) just to write one essay from start till end without stopping to do other work in between. Thats how I churned out my best essays. But I know, I can never do it again... its much too painful.

I love and hate what I'm doing now. Hate the nature of what I'm handling and my not very mature boss, but love the feeling of being able to run everywhere and meeting people, as well as facing challenges all the time and having to think on my feet.

I've already tendered my letter 2 weeks ago, but only just yesterday, I finally received an sms from my manager (I just knew it was coming.. she wouldn't keep silent for long, because she knows I would just leave). She's not asking me to stay because she knows my heart is not in doing such work.. but she's asking me to extend my working period until a certain event that is truly crucial to the company.

I'm not that hardhearted (even though I haven't replied her because I need to consider), but I'm not stupid either. I know she can help me clinch a new job in the place that I want.. so probably helping her tide through her hard time would help me in return? It might be materialistic of me to think this way but I know, I have truly given much more than I have been paid for (in money and in appreciation) the last half a year. She knows it too.

I will think it through. I still need a job anyway, until I find a new one. But at least, I'm not bonded no matter what. Its better not to lose a friend, especially in a small industry like this.

Humility

went to watch ahlian's play today and I thought the concept in which it was presented, was really interesting. And she always looks so sweet =), just as we always tell her, she looks best in white.

But she's a really sweet person as well. I mean how long have I known her.. just that I've had many chances to work with her and she personally invited me to watch her play, reminded me about it and was actually looking for me when she didn't see me in the audience anymore (I had to leave right before it ended because of something urgent). How much nicer can she be?

Its nice to see her doing so well these days, even though its probably not the type of success that she should deserve (with such a wonderful personality like hers). But I can see that she looks happy. This is something I know, I should learn from her.

Work hard, be happy and be appreciative of the people and friends around you. And lastly.. the big word. Humility.

Simple and Nice

That's how I would describe the past 2 days. I didn't get to talk to them at all, but it was all that eye contact that mattered. Just like how Ashin put it last time.. 我們都是神的孩子﹐眼神可以互相了解. You might think I'm hallucinating, but I could see it in their eyes. And I'm satisfied enough =) and it brings a smile to my face each time I try to recall their 眼神. And it gives me the assurance once again that, you don't have to try too hard to vie for their attention.

The one moment that has very deeply ingrained in my memory is that long period where stone simply stood in front of me playing the guitar. I watched his fingers glide and fly up and down the bridge before ashin came to sing beside him. They felt so close, so real and I was just totally drawn in during that 1 minute.

Time seemed to really go by so quickly yesterday, as I understood the difference between just watching a show and being on your feet, enjoying every moment with your best friends.

And I really have to say, this is the best MD concert I have ever been to. Although it could do without the fanciful costumes and more songs =P, it was still great. Maybe it was the close proximity, maybe it was the intoxication of the booming and ringing of the ears, maybe it was just everything right then... (unlike tkzc when I was down with a cold and nyqnl when I was without this group of friends, and unlike the 2 concerts in tw where we were in a foreign land).

I wish I can be there all over again, right from the beginning. And they could play on.. and not end.. so many songs still left to sing, how could they have just ended?

I don't want to go to another FH elsewhere. Its not the same as it being on your own homesoil. This is something that I've come to realise.. and there are truly good reasons for it.

Just as I have done so, so many times before, I still got to do this.... Thank you MD... thank you for bringing your music into our lives. Thank you for showing me what true passion and courage is.

I'm finding my way through too. I will get there. Thank you to all my friends who made the last 2 days very very very special and memorable for me.

Beaming with pride

Felt proud today when I saw them on stage and all eyes on them (and also young girls peeping at them from the back, whispering and giggling). Its that feeling of being with them from the beginning till now. Although, its still far from what they can reach, I feel happy to be part of it all.

I will miss them. These 5 monkies (truly monkies who can't stay put and eat alot, talk alot, disappear alot...). But I'm sure I'll be back there once in a while to help out.

They've definitely grown through the months. And I hope to see them get better and better, gain more support and be the best that they can be. Its like having 5 little brothers.

The day when either one of them does really well, I'll definitely be feeling very happy for them. Work hard boys! =)

me, manager?

had a swollen eye today and i actually took leave.

But had a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that I had to go down to the venue today no matter what, because its the final rehearsals. So, used all sorts of ways to cure the swell, teabag, nap, teabag, nap.. and finally the swell eased.

Headed down to the venue subsequently, but during my first nap, i was awoken by a phonecall.

In a blur state, I answered...

And a woman's voice came through, identifying herself as being from N**... then i thought.. oh yeah, the job that I (anyhow) applied for. Well, not that anyhow too, because I had to write a one page description on why I wanted to do that job and why I was suitable for it.

What's the job? Its manager for a certain government company, doing something related to music ;), but its a 9 month contract. I applied because I wanted to feel like I was making an effort to find a new job. Never expected to be called because after all.. how can I be a manager? ( I even stated such a high expected pay!)

It got me thinking for a while and I didn't agree to an interview timing right away because I still had an event on the day that they wanted to fix the interview. So I said, I'll call them back. In a way, it was to stall time for me to think through if I should even try for this job.

Talked to SH and also S, and I finally decided to call the company back. But to my surprise.. I wanted to change the interview day, and they couldn't even push it back by one day. Strange and so highly inflexible. So because of that, they'll rather not interview me.

Didn't feel that sad anyway, coz it was just a try-try thing.

What I really want is another 2 jobs. Hope I get either one of them... these 2 are harder (probably less pay), but I'm praying hard.

walk walk see see buy buy

Got fed up of work today, so I left pretty early (even though not on time) with S to walk around ps.

These are the things I bought:

1) $11 worth of Christmas exchange present
- a pig handphone holder + a glow-in-the-dark pig wrist guard (just wanted to keep to a theme hahah.. so yup, my theme is, pig! *so lame*) But after analysing through the guys in my company, I figured it wouldn't be a problem for them to use these presents. Not that they are erhemm.. that... but just that they are also the fun type of people who wouldn't mind cute stuff ;)

2) 2 very interesting looking keychains that read
- Best Receptionist (for my colleague whose last day was today)
- Best Production manager (for my manager's bday next month, even though she's bad to us at work =P, she's still a nice person)

3) 3 packs of facial mask
simply because my colleague and I thought we needed it (after the months of torture) and also because it was buy 4 get 2 free.. so we got 3 each heh.
Just used one.. its really pretty good (especially the fact that my skin is not sensitive to it, as it is to alot of other facial products). I just hope it lasts.

4) Essesntial Oil (moonflower)
that I wanted to have all along, to make my room smell nice (but now still lacking of candles and a burner).. and after experimenting with scented candles, cheapo ones, and realising that there's no smell coming from it other than the smell of something burning. Right now my room fragrance is 'dog'.

What's up after work tomorrow? We're not gonna stay too late again. We'll be off to ktv!

Life, is really what you make of it. You can choose not to coop yourself up everyday just doing OT.