Open your eyes

I think, I've suddenly woken up from a dream.. not really a dream but very much of an illusion. I admit to all the crazy things I have done for Mayday in the past, looking back and laughing at myself... I admit to thinking that Mayday was the true reason for alot of things in my life in the past and now... I even admit to thinking that Mayday was my everything that made me truly happy.

Don't get me wrong, I still love Mayday and I'm always appreciative of the courage they have given me to get me where I am now, somewhere i'll never be if i never knew them (i mean it) and I'll always grateful for the true loves they have brought into my life in terms of my confidante, my good friends, my direction in life and reminding me of my own capabilities in music. These are things that I knew and I will never forget in my life.

Yes, they have themselves given me lots of laughter and joy.

But today, I finally realised... that all that happiness and joy was not built on Mayday alone.

As we sat at the airport waiting as we always did, for them to arrive, we sat away from the crowd somehow feeling dismal at not wishing to be in the state of things at that time, all we wanted... was to see and greet the friends who have brought us together.

Limelight.. building political relations.. all these just aren't things we are concerned about. In fact, we are so afraid of these things.

Yes, all we want, is friendship.

And the one thing that I surprised myself is that.. after today, I wasn't thinking even about desiring a friendship with Mayday, I was being thankful for the friends I had around me who could make me laugh so hard with a happiness that was so true. I was thankful for the friends who were always around me even when things weren't so good. I was thankful for the friends who were so sincere and willingly accepted all my quirks or simply me for who I am.

Mayday is just a side-issue. Don't even be shocked that these words are coming from me.

Mayday remains my role model in my own direction in life and I look forward to that one day when I can produce results and make myself proud. It doesn't matter if they know how much they have done to influence me, I know it.. and that's enough. What's the use of telling them so much but not producing any results at the end of the day?

If one day I can succeed in my dreams and endeavors.. and they come to know about it by some other means, i'll be more satisfied with myself than having to tell them with my own mouth.

I think most fans are too often blinded by the illusion that everything exists because of Mayday.. but its not. How often don't we feel alone without friends and would rather not attend a Mayday event alone?

Material items like merchandise already do not matter much to me because material things just become so superficial after a while. its their passion and determination in music that is the most important driving force in my life, I dare to say it, because I have tried it whether or not it will be a success.

They've said they wanted to succeed before they turned 24. I wouldn't say that I have succeeded yet, but I know I have taken the steps towards trying and I'm walking as bravely as I can on this rugged road.

Mayday is not my everything. Friends are :)