some people go through life not knowing what they want.

some think they know, but eventually realise its still not what they want.

some found what they want, but they want more.

others never found what they want, but are happy with what they have.

which one are you?

a little worried

its been on my mind the whole of yesterday.

But why should one letter be so hard to give? I'm weird.... I am.

Chest feels heavy... I'm going to work soon.

The day we killed prawns and crabs..

I know you guys have been waiting for the photos ;).


Here you go! Our food excursion to Marina... with one goal in mind, to celebrate Chris' bday!
Evidence of it... what you see on it, shows the state of our table and samples of what we ate.
Anyone wants to buy 4D?























The table before we began our food war. Clean!























After.............. (this is SH's plate by the way haha)






















Finally.. the moment we were waiting for (and after all the ouch and ahh from cooking the food), we've got food that
1) is not alive
2) we need not cook
3) we do not need plates
(but thanks to the birthday girl who went to get so many free spoons for us hahah)
Presenting.... the yummy chocolate cake...





















The birthday girl! 蛋糕不醜我不吃!



























And for those who are wondering, indeed, we can eat cakes with only spoons and no plates






















夠醜了吧?






















But believe me, try eating cake this way. It really takes better and you never have leftovers!
Its not mafia tradition for nothing.. hehehe

4 years old

29th Nov. This date is special to me. Even though its tomorrow... I'm looking forward to it.

Although I always joke to him about changing the 29th to 28th Nov because its Monster's bday, I can never really do it. Because if not for the 29th Nov 2001, there won't be us.

Just something extra.. my guitar is 4 years old today! (nic, remember you went with me to buy the very nice red guitar that both of us cannot resist ;) ?? i actually wrote the date behind it... 28 Nov 2001 because I love this guitar so much)

4 years on and my guitar skills are nothing much to rave about hahah. Its ok, because I'm not the guitarist! (look at hx and deb hehehe)

Anyway, back to the main topic.

I still remember blogging about this date last year (my very long post in Chinese). And now, 29th Nov will be coming again in less than 12 hours time. So so so many things, both good and bad, have happened for both of us since then.

Your bro always wonders how come we can spend so much time together.
I believe that when he has found that right person.. he'll naturally understand why =).

And as different as 2 people may be, they've gotta have something in common. Other than the 5 guys, our lives very much revolve around...

Eating, eating, eating, eating and always eating (its been our favourite hobby). Where to go next? How about coffee.. and kaya toast! samsui chicken? sushi... fishball mee! kuay chap and some indian rojak! or prata at jln kayu... soyabean, chicken pie, corn? The list is never ending. And probably the very good reason why we have also increased in size together, especially him (hahahha).

But I guess, its not solely about the food, even though we love food. Its the long talks we like to have while sitting down to eat. Talks you can't really have while walking around, trying to figure out where to go or what to do next, since we aren't very 'shopping' type of people. Malls are the ultimate bore.

I'll love to go overseas... on some historical, architectural or scenic tour. BKK is nice.. but I want to experience more than just shopping, when overseas. And I really hope we can go some place together eventually. Although its really hard in the next couple of years, without the money to do so. (waiting for you to officially work soon =P)

On another note, tomorrow the 29th of Nov will also be the day I submit that fateful letter. I don't know how the reaction will be or what will be offered to me. I can be more than confident that I won't be let go that easily, but I still want to go. She's nice as a person, but not as a manager. I'm sorry.

2005 will also be over very soon. Next year will literally be a new beginning for me.
This year has been very very significant to both of us. And I will always remember it =)

i just can't believe it

First, we get accused of stealing somebody's wallet and our bags just get searched without our approval (our wonderful manager giving the go ahead). Our things getting flipped through.. even things or pouches that dont' even seem to be able to hold a normal sized wallet (eg: a nano pouch or in between a wallet).

Even after finally finding that lost wallet in a box, we never got an apology.
I mean, its not even their right to search our bags without us agreeing or witnessing the search. Best part is, after searching, we don't get our bags returned immediately.

If they wanted, they should have just called the police.

This is not just it, its insult after insult.

Just found out today that one of my colleagues got traumatized by the venue company yesterday who accused us of stealing their cables. wtf.

If we were cleverer, we would have 'stolen' more than just 4 miserable cables.

Well, the thing was, she went down with our whole bag of cables for them to identify which cable belonged to them. We had even arranged for our contractor to go down with theirs. The venue company couldn't find what they wanted and they held her captive there, instructing their staff to watch her so that she wouldn't touch their things. She could not leave until they were returned their 4 miserable cables (which later they quoted to be $1000 -> kill people set fire)

Utter rubbish. Our dear manager once again never stood up for my poor colleague. All my colleague got was a sorry by sms from our manager.

It should be more than just one voiceless sorry, after being put through all that, being called a thief, and after the fear and the tears she shed. She's just a girl and who knows what their people are like there..

I wished it was me there and then. I would have just made a fateful phonecall (to our friends in blue)

Really fed up about the way we are treated. Not only is there no welfare.. there is no security. And we have a head who does not know how to protect us and get the rest of the world to trust us.

There is no integrity. No meals are fine with me. Even if you leave us cold and hard sandwiches that are the leftovers of people's buffets, just to save yourself that bit of money, its fine with me as well. But its the last straw, when you allow people to insult us like that.

On your mark, get set, go!

I'm on leave for 2 days! (as of yesterday)

But all the time, I kept thinking about my work. Didn't want to check my company mail the whole of yesterday but I had to today.. because its my responsibility to keep track of what's happening for my own productions.

And sure enough, shit happens. Well, don't wanna talk too much about it.

I wish, i could keep away from the emails and close myself entirely away. But then.. there's still my phone. Turn if off you say? I'll get blamed if I miss anything important. But then again, we always get blamed for everything anyway. So it ain't much of a difference.

Just gotta say to them, don't be surprised soon to find a stack of letters on your tables. Good luck to you. You can go slam as many tables and you too, can shout all day to the air if you want. We just won't be that stupid to stay there for your target practice.

The curse

Ever believed in curses?

Or are there no curses but pure coincidences?

How then do you explain a screwed up venue, with uptight and high strung personnel in a place that is weird and gloomy?

What about everything and anything that can go wrong... going wrong?

Gifts not being able to be produced in time.. then when they are produced, 60% is spoilt.
Envelopes being folded wrongly.
Email blast turned spam (very destructive spam..)
Machines can't fit into the damn lift
CD gets stuck in the CD deck the first time we try it.
console has to be situated in a place where nothing (and i mean nothing) can be seen
The caterer runs out of cups, and forgets to bring chilli the next day.
The food runs out!
One laptop goes missing...
Money gets stolen twice in 2 days

So many other things.. that I already can't remember. Its really scary. And this is truly the first show that nothing goes right.

Its time to check our 8-characters =P

The Ideal Job

I doubt that it truly exists in this world.

I've seen people who strive hard to get to a certain job, thinking its in pursuit of their interest but get less than what they hoped for, or have things working not very well for them. Of course, I'm talking about myself but a few of my own friends as well.

Is it solely about reality setting in, bursting the dream bubble? Probably but also not entirely.

The thing is, there is no such thing as a perfect human being. So how can there be a perfect job?

You don't simply do only what you wish to do, but a job is a job... you still have to do things that may be undesirable.

Some may think that they 5 boys have a perfect job (a job that so many of us wish to have) but then again, its less than perfect. Just like everyone of us, they do things that they don't really want to do too.

Its all about striking a balance somewhere... trying to achieve more positives than negatives.

I've yet to find this job. I hope I'm led to it eventually.

Enough is enough

Why try to act like you are a big company when you are not? Admit it, your production team is simply 4 people.. you only have 1 marketing person and 4 other pretty lazy people running a non profitable department.

So easy for her to make promises, but so hard for us to fulfill. There's only 5 of us, trying to do a whole lot of things. Trying to do shows that are bigger than what we can really handle and better still, so many at one single time. From planning all the way to the execution.

And even better yet, we are covering up for the incompetence of another 2 departments. But for that, and for working so hard, we are the ones always getting scolded, while the other 2 departments are simply deemed as 'always like that'.

Its the non appreciation that is really turning all of us off, and speeding up our intents to resign. Its that feeling that you have worked so hard, putting in your best, sacrificing your time, bothering to take over other people's work... but then still get scolded at the end of the day.

Haven't gone through a day there where no one gets scolded or threatened to have their salaries cut.

She should really reflect on what her problem is. Its not us, its not the nature of the job.

Her rantings.. simply bounce off me these days. I'm just going about my duties as I should, with less of a motivation and drive as before. Because, its simply not worth it.

back from jamming

we haven't jammed for almost 3 weeks and today we finally got together again.. in a very very nice studio with the best keyboards i've ever played, great sounding amps and drums too. (expensive studio, but great sound)

But then all of us were half dead. Even me who rested the whole of today, had my brain halfway in the clouds (i'm in perpetual tiredness.. anyone wants to give me a bottle of yomeishu for christmas?)

Each of us busy with our own lives, walking our own directions. But I'm glad, we still made the effort to find time to come together, to try to play as a band.

Can tell we are all tired of doing the same old cover songs. I'm keen to work on our originals too but I guess we gotta wait for a day when we are less dead =P.

Like I told An, I wish that studio belonged to us and we can practically live in it. How wonderful it would be. How I wish too, we could find that one day and just go chill by the seaside like you said, bringing acoustic guitars, congos and a little egg shaker and have a seaside jam session. Or perhaps, we could try converting ourselves into an acapella group too haha.

Love you gals, although we were all totally 'off' today. I still enjoyed myself =)
To hx, I agree with what you said about how our jobs are actually not everything, and its wonderful to have our band to escape to when we need. Aren't you glad you decided to do sociology and ended up mailing me? ;) In the meanwhile, get well soon!

I'm gonna leave my job come 2006.. hope I'm not jobless for too long. I doubt I will be truly jobless, coz i'm sure this company will get me to freelance for them. Then we'd better jam more often!

Da Niu's Back

with lots of soft toys...

So here you go, family photo!

HOPE

this word reminds me of FH in tw... when the huge words on the backdrop lighted up as thousands of sparklers were raised high in the air.

Its that same warm feeling I had when I received the sms today.

I certainly would like to think that there's the possibility of me getting that job, but I definitely hope its not just myself thinking too much and believing in something that is actually not what I think. (ok, my sentence is getting a little complicated...)

The point is, I hope, its not false hope.

Would that company want me? I don't have the confidence, but I'll certainly like to try it out there.. even if I gotta be an intern all over again. This industry is so small, I only gain credibility with experience.

万事起头难.. maybe things will pick up along the way.

Praying hard I get that next job.

photographs..

Was looking through my recent photos and I found this... I was actually trying to photograph the interesting images he had drawn on the tape. Its a pity that the photo is blurred.

That day, he was still having fun with the lights as usual, joking about creating our own disco in the tent. Never really intended to have his hands taken inside the photo but seeing it now... ...


Its when people around you, whom you know and work with, suddenly disappear... that you realise the fragility of life.

I guess this photo will always remind me of this.

One small step at a time

Been thinking and thinking when the right time is, to give that letter.

I don't want to be treated like a fool anymore and I'm mentally tired, but I still can't deny the type of experience and contacts that this job is giving me. I wanted to leave mid next month, then decided to push it back to end of the month, just so I can cover another show.

But now, I'm considering pushing it to end of Jan.. because of yet another few shows that I think will be good for me. I don't know how much it will benefit me truly. But its the few strategies that I can think of, for job hopping =P.

Everything takes time I guess.. I'm just wondering how long more.

I'm considering my options now. But whatever it is, I got to take every step carefully.
The industry is only so small, and if I want to continue staying in it, I have to watch my steps.

Its always good to get to know more people, especially the important people. Which is why... I just might psyche myself up to stay on a little longer.

Unless, I get offered a better job now, then things will be different ;)

Life?

Its scary, but I guess this is what you call the unpredictability of life.

I don't really know this guy and I've only had the chance to work with him for maybe only 4 times.

He passed away on Monday night. In his sleep. In a foreign land. And during a working trip.

He was only 21.

We got a rude shock today when S received the news about his death. We thought it was a joke. I mean, how could someone just die in his sleep when we were last working with him only last Friday?

And last Friday, he was still his usual bubbly, smiling self. Really adorable and nice guy.

It took me a while to think back about the times I got to work with him, but it came back to me. His expressions, his grin, his smiles, his enthusiasm in what he was doing. It was really special.

I still can't believe it even till now.

no worries

To my friends who are concerned about me, don't worry =)

Thats my problem for always writing abstractly hehe.. in a way, its because I don't want to say too much about myself (because I still like to stay low and the whole world doesn't have to know what I'm doing).

So, if you guys ever worry for me, just msn me!

I'm not giving up on anything. I only drop things when I know for sure that that thing is truly not what I want.

I want to leave because I feel equipped now to take on any other job that will come my way. And also because no very sane person will stay on in a company that treats staff that way (I can't say too much of course, because its up to each person how you view a company). But this one is definitely not worth my blood and sweat, or me stretching my mental, emotional and physical strength for.

One sentence. If I'm treated fairly for the effort I have put in, I will stay no matter what. But its not happening.

So, its time for me to move on. I'm waiting for other doors of opportunities to open. These doors don't open that quickly though, but I will be patient.

I will never settle for a slow and stable lifestyle.. its never me.

I have set the date for my final countdown for this company. But before that, I'm intending to confront them regarding the treatment I have received (not in an ugly way though).

For what I have put in for them, if they don't know how to appreciate, then I really have to just move on myself =)

The way my job should be described

Main job scope:
Picking up everybody's shit, occassionally having to face lots of stuckup people who think they know best (as if we are doing our jobs because we are not as well educated as them, yeah right)

Perks of the job:
You get to spoil your stomach, reduce your immunity system, gain more pimples and wrinkles, grow more leg muscles, have less personal life and get blamed for things that have nothing to do with you

What to expect:
To work for free at times (literally), and try hard to imagine yourself as a nonprofit, charitable organisation.

What not to expect:
Thank yous from the most important person.


What's my job??







SAI KANG WARRIOR!!

Tired

So Tired
Very Tired
Terribly Tired
Officially Tired
Extremely Tired
Exhastingly Tired
Horrifyingly Tired
Cannot be more Tired

Have typed to many tireds, that the word looks weird.

Or maybe, I'm just tired....

I need sleep (but not yet, I gotta finish somemore work first =_=) and I'm not even gonna get paid. All this I'm doing, will be for free, totally free (maybe I should just start a non profit charitable organization).

超不溫柔的黑社會

要知足

喜歡不一定要佔有
支持不一定要瘋狂
思念也不一定要看見才滿足

五年後我學會了這點

其實沒賣票是因為猜到有其他方式拿得到。
可是也是碰運氣而已

雖然知道這種獎項其實沒什麼意思
但心裡的開心還是有的
只是得收斂一點﹐因為週圍都是(現在或未來的)工作夥伴

機場。
是很想去﹐可是睡覺和休息對現在的我還是比較實際

我只能說﹐後會有期 ;)

只要我堅持下前去﹐懂得知足﹐或許才會有更好的收穫

Shir's Bday

So nice right your present? haha
Sorry this time not much time to help the mafians in planning.

Anyway, more interesting photos will be up soon!

This scary month

4 events.. (and they had to be big scale ones) to coordinate

7 productions to run

1 proposal to source & write

2 scripts to write

People to brief

1 client to followup

Countless meetings (lor sor ones too)

Countless people I have to call

And one very tired me

Its not really good to let people know that you can handle alot of things, it just kills you, especially in this company. Its certainly more beneficial to have more capabilities.

And this is just work, I still want to maintain my own interesting life.

I need all the energy I've got. I just need to live through this month.

黑社會

inspired by xiaomin and by shir who posted his 造句on her blog...
haven't 造句 since secondary school hahah. Sorry to jac, linda, fiona and jean.. i forgot your chinese names hehee. but in the meanwhile, here are those i came up with, other than my own name which sh thought of...

xiao wei
藥丸雖小﹐威力可大啊﹐ 別小看它!

qian hui
你欠我的一千會什麼時候還清?

shi hao
有什麼事好好商量

shu fen
他把這本書分析得很仔細

xue li
如果沒辦法止血﹐立刻送醫最好

min chao
皮膚過敏﹐超癢的!

shi wei
(anyone got idea for this?)