are things starting to look better?

just as i feel all drained out and almost giving up on alot of things, a few good things have happened to me within this week itself.

One of the best, would be the job i just got offered by my lecturer. even though its a sales job (which i personally would usually turn away because i just dislike making phonecalls), i just wanted to do it, because its my chance to work in a studio and gain experience of how the whole business works. the pay is real low.. and i'll have to travel quite far.. but i think its something i just want to give a try without saying no too quickly. anyway, he said i could try for a month to see how things go first.. so yup, i'll try :). i hope not just to change myself, but i hope to be able to be of help to their studio business too.

frankly, i'm quite afraid about how i'll fare in this job.. especially since he believes that its a job that i can handle.. but hey, i know nuts about sales even though i've done lots of customer service and liasing jobs before. as i told shir, i gotta learn to be more agressive... but i think apart from that, i think this job takes alot of thinking out of the box, to gain more business for the studio, considering the number of competitors in the market.

well, wish me luck.... i'm just hoping its those jitters that everyone is sure to get when they embark on a new job :P

anyway, the best part about this deal, is that he is allowing me to also do an intership as an engineer there later on.. even though he asked if i wanted to do both concurrently since the sales job is PT.. i just thought, better not try to do 2 things and be confused, then end up doing both badly. So, i decided to do wat was more urgent to him first... the sales.. then later the internship.

BOTH, which i hope i won't disappoint him.

to me, this will be finally a break for me, to finally get to do something close to what i like.. and have the chance to observe the more experienced guys there work.

think i'll just have to not think too much and worry too much, and just go do it. i don't want to be like hamlet, wondering if he should 'be' or not 'be'... when you can just 'be'. Just didn't want to give up on this chance, so i shall have to believe in myself this time round!

its good friday..

As I sat in church today, I suddenly thought back about last year's good Friday and I recalled all of a sudden, that it was the time when we found Intel, the most adorable little kitten.. well actually we found her on that Thursday, just that it made me remember more significantly because it was holy week.

Just a diary I typed out last year, after Intel passed away.

I still remember that time... how we watched Mayday on the NKF show together while nursing little Intel.. Mayday will be back soon again but Intel, although she has left, will remain in the hearts of all those who met her in her short stay with us :)



Thursday, April 15, 2004
In Memory of Intel (died 2-3 weeks old)

Its exactly a week now since we found Intel crawling on the rocky ground full of cigarette butts. It doesn't really feel like a week has passed. It feels as though this has been the greatest experience of my life. Not because it was absolutely tiring, not because it was so draining on our expenses and not because we were facing a lot of rubbish from our families. What it was, was pure and simple... it was a life in our hands. She had just entered into our lives, whether we liked it or not (but we did). She came swiftly and left swiftly but she touched us all so so so so deeply. She was the most special kitten I knew.

We found her on Holy Thursday (8th Apr 04). I called my mum hoping she could help but just got really on my toes when I couldn't get through to her. SH on the other hand went hunting for a box for her. Deep inside I just knew that whether my parents would agree or whether I could find her a home soon, I just had to take her back away from that place. I couldn't think too far ahead of what the circumstances would be. The situation was there and then. She was a baby. We put her into a box and named her intel for the label on the box read 'intel inside'.

The first day we faced so many 'no's from those who could not keep her. As well as my very angry father and very angry dog. I was put on pressure to bring her to the SPCA the next day. Thinking back, I wished I never did. But I was glad when we got her out of them and it was just wonderful to see her little face again. That morning before bringing her to SPCA was the time that I got more attached to her. SH was still sleeping. I went into the study room to carry her out from the box and comforted her as she played with the sock ball I made her and she crawled all over the sofa. The irritating meowing kitten had then melted my heart. I just wished I could keep her or even help her then. But despite asking more people, there wasn't an answer. I had to make myself bring her to SPCA.

At SPCA, when she was taken from my hands, I was at a total loss. As if I had just given a life away. It bothered me for the rest of the day. I couldn't even make myself go to church on Good Friday. SH and I just continued trying to find her a home and even thought of requesting the SPCA to help us. But they weren't able to help. I feel proud of him for rushing down to save her, to do something that we both wouldn't regret. It was Holy Saturday.

She was brought back to my house after my father finally gave us a 3 days period to keep her. But unfortunately Pepper was absolutely upset about it the moment we brought her into the house. For a number of hours, we sat with her at the staircase outside my house as we tried to feed her with a bottle. But she kept sucking on our hands so we had to squeeze the milk onto our hands for her. Thinking back, I really miss her little tongue sucking on my finger as she moved her paws around trying to get more milk.

SH later got his sis to come see her, afterwhich they decided to bring her home without their parents' approval. He got a bad scolding of course but Intel could still stay and I was really glad for that. The next day on Easter day, I rushed down to his house to help take care of her. Eventually managed to teach her how to drink from the bottle. But that day I suddenly realised that her stomach felt bloated. Maybe I should have done something then.. but I just didn't.. When she drank, sometimes she would choke a little or become a little weak thereafter. But when I rubbed her down a little and she rested a little, she would be back to normal again. Little did I know that it was a sign that she was deteriorating.

That night, God sent us a foster. She was Carol and we were to bring Intel to her the next day. We were so elated to hear that she had a nursing cat and the thought of Intel finally being able to have a mother's milk soon was so relieving. We were full of hopes.

That Monday at Carol's place, we were happy to see Intel drinking from the mother cat and playing with the other kittens but I was a little shocked to hear Carol saying that she might have worms in her stomach. I just hoped for the best, and I wished that I had told Carol the symptoms that Intel had whenever she drank milk. I just wished I had!

That afternoon while we were at the airport hoping to send Mayday off, Carol called to tell us that the mother cat had rejected Intel, we ought to have left to get her instead of going to see Mayday (whom we didn't really see in the end, becoz we rushed off in a cab the instant we got the call). I don't know if this played a part in her death but I just wished that we had gone to get her and brought her to a vet before she became terribly weak the next day.

That Tuesday we were supposed to bring her to Jackie, another foster. But seeing Intel all lethargic and liveless, we rushed her to the vet. SH and I were just hoping that the medicine and glucose would help her get better but I guess it didn't. It was already too late. Somehow looking at her lying on her side and resting her little head lightly on my hand, I just knew that her time was almost over but I just didn't want to acknowledge it. I chose to believe that she would be well. Feel stupid for deluding myself. We both had the chance to cuddle her at the vet's and I told her I love her a couple of times. I wanted her to feel loved and not rejected.

That evening, I just kept watching out for Jackie's call just in case of any bad news and I was relieved when I didn't receive any call for quite a while. That was up till 8plus. I only realised at 9 that I had a missed call. Almost went mad trying to call her back while her line was engaged. Even though I hadn't talked to her yet, I just knew the news. I knew it wouldn't be good and it was true, we had lost Intel. Jackie was just very sweet and she kept comforting me. SHe and her daughter, Jennifer have buried Intel in their backyard and place flowers at her grave. In a way I'm glad she has that beautiful place to rest forever at rather than the dirty place at sim lim or whatever SPCA would do after putting her to sleep. Maybe this was the ending that was meant to be.

I don't know if we contributed to her death or as many people say, we saved her. I don't feel like a saviour, I just want to help rejected animals feel loved. Just as people want to be loved, animals need love too.

I just miss Intel. Her meowing, purring, scratching, her little face, her eyes, her cute ears and her pretty little tail. I've only known her for 6 days but I will remember her for a lifetime. I will not let her death be in vain. She has taught me so much.

Will I win toto soon?

Today, 2 unexpected things happened... or rather 2 unexpected people contacted me.. in fact, both are my lecturers, pple I'll least expect to contact me all of a sudden.. and better yet, both on the same day.

Which makes me think I should buy toto tomorrow hahaha. If I win, I wouldn't blog about it =P.

Anyway, my first lecturer called and told me I could go collect my transcript and diploma.... at long long long long long last. why so long? coz its truly long overdue.. its already been almost a year since i finished my diploma and I had to send an email to disturb them to hurry up with my diploma before they actually give it to me. What's more.... so many of my assignments have been gradeless up till now.. when I finally get to look at my transcript (in a few days time when I collect it) i'll get to know how i did for all my long ago assignments! which is why... i'm quite keen to go collect my diploma and transcript... except that, its a public holiday today!

Ok, shall cut my crap..

I think my this blog entry is turning out to be what you call 'not here, not there'.. =P
Mind's in a mess anyway..

On with the story...
My 2nd lecturer sent me an sms.. the weird thing about this was that I was just relating to SH how we used to crack stupid jokes in class with this lecturer, only a couple of hours before I received that sms (how coincidental can this get?? I don't usually talk about him.. which is why I think I shd buy toto haha!)

Here are examples of the jokes that I remember:

Location 1: a particular day in the studio
===========================
Lecturer: If you pan the frequency back and forth, its called 'sweeping'

Classmate: So what happens when you turn this other knob?

Me: Its called 'mopping'

Lecturer pengs~~


Location 2: another day in a different studio
==============================
(Lecturer points towards the console/mixer)
Lecturer: can someone tell me where does bus 1 and 3 go to?
(for those who don't know wat a bus is... its a channel on the mixer.. won't go into details to add to confusion hehe)

Classmate: Ang Mo Kio!

Everybody pengs~~


yup, that was how we made our studio lessons more interesting... 'interesting' haha.. with lame jokes. But you'll need to have the right lecturer to be able to crack such jokes, coz they don't come out easily when faced with lousy lecturers... guess most of you know what i mean.

Well, this 2nd lecturer of mine, actually sms me today beginning with a very odd message:
"Hi florence, this is ****, how have you been?"
In my mind I just thought, how strange to send me an sms... must be a job opportunity!
then in his next sms, he asks me if i'm interested in a sales job. I'm not extremely keen on doing sales, since i'm not a person who likes to talk and talk upfront, but coming from my lecturer, i was hoping it'll be related to audio, so I asked for more details.
But it just got more mysterious because he said it would be better if he talked to me face to face.. so I began to wonder if it had something to do with his own studio business...
oh well, that I would only know when I've met up with him. hopefully its something good, then it can cover for my attachment as well!! I hope, i hope...

But like any sudden job opportunities that are suddenly open to me, I start to feel apprehensive and worried that I can't take it on well and I don't know whether to accept the job.. but shouldn't be thinking before I even know wat its about for now..

Sorry for the lack of content in this blog entry hahaha... just wanted to blog out whats on my mind. First thing when I wake up... of course.. brush my teeth, blah blah, go to church, then buy toto!

In the arms of an angel.. fly away from here.

I've almost forgotten about this song.. this song that I've once loved so much and I still do...
Just that it speaks out my heart at this very moment.. and offers me the comfort that I need.. to keep believing in what I have always so deeply believed in.

Look at the lyrics carefully... they are definitely worth a read even if you never heard of this song..

ANGEL
Sarah Mclachlan

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay

There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins

Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back

And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack

It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

So much for love and peace

I am really sick and tired of having to face the same problems over and over again. I wish it were that easy to pull myself away from this.. but its not, because its something i truly love and believe in. I wish it could be simpler, yes....

where everyone is at peace with one another...
where no one tries with means and ways to climb over another...
where all come together for a common cause...
where there is no selfishness or ulterior motives...
where sharing is what matters and
where giving counts more than receiving.

I wish.. I really wish.
As John Lennon put it "Imagine all the people... living for today"

But maybe I've been all too naive.

Yes, I've grown up to understand that the world is unfair but then again, I'm not really concerned about others getting a bigger share of the pie than me.. seriously, I've learnt over the years not to envy anyone because I have so much more myself that others don't have.

I'm proud to be me, yes... ole cynical me.. all full of criticism for everything in the whole wide world. Proud to be the imperfect person but surrounded by friends and family who treat me with an open and true heart.

But as much as I can feed on my own plus points, each and everyone of us is fuelled by one thing, called APPRECIATION... especially me.

fame.. money... recognition ?
nah, i'll rather have appreciation.
as much as i wish the rest of the world would think the same way as me.... its far from the truth and harsh reality of life.

I've always tried hard... constantly.. yes very very constantly to convince myself that it is in giving that we find our true reward. We give, not with the intent to receive anything... but sadly... over time, how much can this stand as a convincing arguement, even to myself?

I'm confused too.. utterly confused.

what's the point of being so 偉大 in a dog eat dog world?
Some pple don't even care. So why am I caring?

Maybe I should really just step out of all this... and wash my hands completely. I don't want to play in this game.. I never wanted to but rubbish just comes flying in from all directions when you least expect them to.

Love and peace..
So simple words, so easy to say but out it goes, from the window, when personal interests come into place.

I want love and peace, but does everyone else?

boo!

yes, here I am again...

why haven't I been blogging? Because I haven't been blogging... thats why.. :P

I will blog soon.. I know... soon...

Ban smoking in public areas

So... the "garmen" is gonna ban smoking in singapore. here's a super excellent fantastic bombastic highly imaginative suggestion for where to smoke in the future :P

Sure gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "down in the dumps" doesn't it? haha

me on google??

Have you ever tried doing a search of your own name on google or yahoo? Of course, I'm not that 'wu liao' to do something like that hahaha... coz it was sh who did *roll eyes*

It actually started with him searching a very reknown ex-lecturer of mine.. turned out plenty of results of course. That was when he wanted to try if he could find his own name on google. And so he began.............

"Lim S** H***".... Google Search!
Out came alot of different matching words but only on the 2nd page did he find someone with that same dialect name... except that the english name was different.. what a shame.

Not giving up, he tried a search on my name

"Florence C*** S*** W**" Google Search!
Just when I was scolding him for being so lame and doing stuff like that, there appeared my full name on the first page of the search results. unbelieveable! yeah.. but until I saw what it was... then I remembered..

I found this http://courses.nus.edu.sg/course/socsja/influence/Group5/projectsoci/introduction.htm
it was my long-ago year 2 soci group project which we had done and our lecturer had put online for us. It was the one I almost vomited blood with my co-editor for volunteering to be the editors of the whole project, it was the one that on CNY visiting days, I took the survey forms along for my uncles and aunts to fill out, but it was the one I was proud to get A+ for too hahah. (yes, i can be quite a narcissist)

The initial idea of trying to search for yourself, a small fry, on google is quite lame but now, its like finding my long lost friend..

Why don't you try it now? tell me what your results are hahaha

The shrinking ricebowl

Yesterday, I was just talking to sh who pon work and I pon school.... =P... and we just came upon the topic of piracy and copyrights. Both of us were debating, trying to get our own points across and talking very seriously while queueing up at the interchange for the bus to come and I could see from my view an auntie looking curiously at us like we were some weirdos.

Anyway...... to what extent is piracy a breech of copyrights?

Personally, I'm totally against the fact of giving money to pirates who try to make money of intellectual property that does not belong to them because giving them the money only allows them to buy more powerful burners to duplicate even more cds or vcds.

True, I'll rather download. And yes, I do download but I do have a principle with regards to the downloading of music. Afterall, I'm totally uninterested in downloading movies or games or anime or dramas (yes, i'm quite a bore.. haha, but its not the point that we are driving at right now)

The fact is, the ricebowl of the music industry is shrinking rather quickly. I do know of a songwriter who has sold his songs to huge names in the industry last time, but has stopped writing because it is totally not worth it any longer in terms of $$$. We may argue that a song writer composes to have his music heard but songwriters need to eat too right? So for those who are unfamiliar with how the pie is divided out in the music industry, I will attempt to give a brief explanation. Not an expert though, but its what I've learnt here and there over the last 2 years. I will not be liable for the accuracy of this information =P

Lets imagine this senario.. You go out to buy a CD (not mayday but perhaps someone like Liang Jing Ru who has pple writing songs for her and sessionists to play for her recording session).

You pay $18 for the CD to the record store
The record store however probably only paid $10 to buy it from the record company.
So, the record company earns $10
The record company who took a big risk in signing up the artiste draws majority of that $10.

The artiste must be receiving the remainder of that money?
Wrong! Because the artiste does not even receive any of it. Instead he or she does not get any royalties until they earn back an advanced payment the record company gives them upon agreement to cut an album.
In other words, the artiste is in 'debt' until his/her album sells extremely well.

Instead, that remaining royalties goes further down the line to pay the sessionists, recording/mixing engineers and then the music publishers who act as agents for the lyricists and composers.
That's alot of mouths to feed after majority of $10 per album has been deducted away...
The lyricists and composers who at the bottom of this huge production line are in fact the worse off.

In one CD, there are at least 10 songs, if the lyricists and composers are all mutually exclusive, it means that for 10 songs, there are 20 different pple involved (10 lyricists and 10 composers).
The variable rate usually given to song writers per album is about 5.55% of that $10 we mentioned earlier on.

Doing some math, 5.55% x 10 is 55cts.
Given that there are 10 songs per album, one song earns 5.5cts
The agent (the music publisher) draws 50% of this, leaving 2.75cts to the lyricist and composer
If they are 2 different pple, each earns 1.375cts for the song that they wrote per CD sold.

1 cent.... how measly can that amount get?
For every 100 albums sold, that poor composer only receives $1
Can't even buy a bowl of mee with that...
But of course, you might argue that,in the real world, who only just sells 100 albums?

Still, its essential for us to see the true details of the industry to understand fully why piracy is such a big issue today.

Even though that is no true direct correlation between the downloading of mp3s and buying of albums, there is still an undeniable connection.

In my opinion, downloading mp3s is not wrong, only until it has been abused. mp3s give us a chance to preview albums or give a listen to artistes that we probably won't bother about, but as I said, it should only be a preview. If you enjoy that album, go buy it because it is the blood and sweat of many many people.

At least, don't forget that these people are doing all these creative work for our entertainment and also to feed themselves, just as most of us do in our different jobs.

If you don't have enough money to buy an album that was pressed in Taiwan, buy a china version rather than a pirated one or depend fully on mp3s, especially if you want the music industry to thrive on.

happy birthday jess!!

Today is the 1st of March 2005, which should have been her 16th birthday.
Except that she never lived to see this day..

But at least, she's had 14 wonderful birthdays.
Every birthday, I'll buy her a small piece of cake, cut a part of it, put it into her dish and she would devour it happily. I could tell, she always was happy because each time during our own birthdays, she could recognise the smell of cakes and hover around them waiting for us to cut it and share a piece of it with her.

She loved cakes, she just loved to eat..... whatever I ate :)

Since she left 2 years ago, all I can do now is light a candle for her each birthday to represent that birthday cake that I would have given to her.

will be lighting a candle for her in a while... here's an online one dedicated to her as well.

Just want to tell her how much I miss her at my side, how much I miss her wagging at me, how much I miss her smell and just the way she was. I will always remember the time when I kissed her goodbye for the last time... no longer can I do it, but I will forever think of her. No other dog will replace you, Jessie.

To a dog that was and always will be a special part of me.

.