as short as an entry can be..

wow.. haven't blogged for a week. heheh.. seriously I just don't know how time just passes by with me not really knowing how it just passes by so quickly. hmm....

anyway, i'm blogging right now because I've finally succeeded in what I wanted to do for 2 whole weeks. its not the best outcome but with the equipment that I have.. I guess its as good as it can be. Whether anything good comes out from it, at least its a start that I've gotten going..

If something good comes from it, of course, that would be best =)

Wanted to sleep early today because of the terrible headache i had while at work.... but its not happening again =P. So much I want to do everyday... so much I still want to achieve.

Just gotta keep believing, keep trying, keep working hard.

A whole meal of fish

We went out for a company 'excursion' today.. At 7pm, we turned off all our computers, and headed out in 3 cars plus a cab to make our way to a far away Japanese restaurant. In we went.. into a private room with a super long table, that could fit all 19 of us. I was famished from not having lunch earlier on (was caught up in meetings).. so I was truly hungry.

But well.. we couldn't eat yet, because there was a brief speech, followed by a prize presentation (it really felt like jing qu jiang haha...) and then lots of phototaking, before we could get down to eating. What were the prizes? For us who've only been there a few months.. we got a 512mb thumbdrive =), those who've worked longer got an ipod nano, a ipod video 30gig.. while the special achievement prize for those of 10 years and above.. got an ipod video of 60gig. Not bad I must say... definitely great motivation to work. hahah.. how about a powerbook next year when more investments come in =P

When we set out on eating at last.. I started on my favourite sashimi, which was just right in front of me. But soon became tired of it, because it was basically what I was eating the whole time, other than the many other types of fish that came along (too many types of fish... fried fish, snow fish, raw fish sushi, raw fish handroll... *gulp*... basically one year's supply of fish). I left the cooked stuff to my colleagues who didn't dare to eat the raw stuff nor fish... and so I had a great diet of fish today. More iron than I'll need in a week haha. For now, I think.... I'll stay away from fish for tomorrow.


The plate shows what was left (times another 3 plates that were spread across the long table), after my feeble attempt at trying to clear up one plate on my own.

My very corny boss suggested we tried to 'da bao', but of course being a buffet, we all knew it wasn't possible. We should have been glad we weren't fined for wasting food. But.. he still had to try it anyway.. and out he went with the excuse that we would like to use it to feed our cats at home.

Of course, he failed miserably.. only to tell us that the waitress wanted to keep it instead to feed her dogs. hahha... he got beaten by another person's corniness... that was ultimate.

But he did succeed though, in getting all of us a free handphone accessory each when initially only one of my bosses got it because he paid the bill. Not bad.. from 1 handphone accessory, it multiplied to 19. Just have to take my hat off to him =P

We didn't go bowling or play pool in the end, coz most of us were stoned by the end of the dinner, and some of them wanted to go back to the office to continue working. But it was still a fun dinner nonetheless... would be looking forward to the next one half a year later =)

yo yo

I really haven't been blogging much lately. There are just lots of times when I've got many things on my mind that I want to pour out in writing, but never do in the end, because there are too many other 'distractions' around me that take away this priority. But then again, blogging never really was a priority. It was an outpouring of thoughts and whatever rubbish that could come out from me at that point in time. Like now =P

Each day I go to work, each day I see the people around me, I look at the things I'm doing, even just looking at my boss, feels so surreal. Its a job that I would never had thought I would be able to do, even to many.. its not the most glamourous type of job a graduate should do. But I see it as a job breaming and overflowing with possibilities and opportunities. Its just a matter of how well I can make use of these chances.

And I know I'm very lor sor to keep repeating to sh how I still can't believe I'm in this job. I've got my next step in mind.. I hope to be able to achieve it. Not asking for the skies, but maybe one day I might just reach it too.

For now, its already great for me that everyone is so willing to impart what they know to me, and have me involved. And its great to see smiles on everyone's faces everyday.

Tomorrow, we're supposed to be going out on a company outing. Us and our subsidiary company, plus the 3 bosses.. making a total of about 20 people. The plan is to have dinner and then go.... erm... bowling (*cough*). I'll rather go with the original plan of ktv with the pool table (although I don't know how to play pool... but I still like that super huge room with the super huge screen). But well, lets see what happens tomorrow ;)

treasure those around you

I know i've disappeared for some time. Been busy for the past week.. not just jamming but mainly because of things that have happened at work, and also because of the unfortunate event that happened. But yesterday, I felt the warmth of friendship, as his old and new friends turned up to remember him. It was like a huge gathering yesterday and everyone left on a happy note, just as I believe he would have liked it to be.

Something one of his friends said yesterday really made me feel a sense of guilt in my heart. She said "don't wait till new year time to meet up with your old friends" (otherwise you never know when you may never see them again). How many of my old friends have I not met up with for so long because of the nature of my job and now that I've given my priority to music.

Today I get to go to work at 1pm because of the long day we've had yesterday. But I'm awake early nonetheless. Dad forgot his pass and I had to use our usual method of throwing it out of our window down to him (we live on the 7th floor). As I saw him run back, I could feel that he had aged. And it pained me to realise that both my parents are still working so hard at this age. We know it all the time, but such realisations are just heart breaking for it made me recall the days and nights he will spend pounding his legs or sitting and sleeping in awkward positions, just so they wouldn't ache so much.

They are in their mid 50s and me... I should be able to support them by now. But sadly, I still need them to help pay my phone bills for me while I support myself in other aspects of my life.

I wished my pay could be higher. It could be if I went for other jobs.. but I still wouldn't give up to be where I am now. I can only try to work as hard as possible, to get a pay rise after I am able to prove myself. But I know, it will still be some time before I can support them.

Am I selfish to want to achieve my own dreams and goals, while my parents continue to toil to keep us where we are?

My $9 Day

Just as my title states, I only spent $9 today (not inclusive of transport of course) and it was because I spent the entire day at work (first time in a long long long long... too long while).

For $9 I had,
Lunch - Yong Tao Foo & a drink
Dinner - Fish Wanton Hor Fun & a drink
Supper - Cup Noodles

If only every day I could suffice my stomach with under $10, I could save so much in a month. hahaha... but its entirely impossible. Otherwise, I wouldn't be blogging about this rare occurance right here and right now. This day was sans meeting anyone, sans snacks, sans deserts, and sans expensive non-hawker food.

What's the point of this entry? I don't really know either... but just feeling very satisfied that I saved money today haha. And maybe because I've got my adrenalin pumping from finally having more substantial things to do.

My eyes are dry, my toes hurt a little, but it still feels good to be able to be where I am. Right now... I'm just interested in having a nice warm shower =)

Till then......

We have done it again!

Yes.. once again.. we have booked tickets to tpe haha. and without knowing the dates of hhy, we had to make the guess. Scared for sure.. but we hope we guessed the dates right. Otherwise........ I'll rather not try to think otherwise... =P

Lots of things have happened since I blogged.

SH took on a freelance project that I think would be good exposure for him =)

Celebrated my mum's bday.. gave her the watch I bought for her, and we had chilli crab for dinner! I just wished, we could have more of it... coz it was a little unsatisfying to eat and end there hehe.

I gave my smelly dog a bath when I simply couldn't take it any longer..

Oh yeah, and our domain name got cut off too without us expecting. A little early I would say.. and only 8 days after we received our invoice. We were quite angry about it.. but in the end had to pay quickly still, coz SH was worried our domain would be bought off by someone else. And now.... I'm terribly poor (was already poor from buying my mum her bday present). Awaiting donations please!! =P

And we had our 2nd jam session at my house on Sunday. It was fun... being able to finally cover the songs properly at least hehe. We played wen rou again.. after such a long time, and suddenly it felt so easy to play. It was a good feeling though =) because it was through that song and that day that made me realise that we did improve along the way. That day, I played on after the girls left. Didn't go see the concert coz SH wanted to do his work.. so I played the guit till night time... till my wrists and fingers hurt so much.... till both arms ached. But it was a wonderful feeling.

** (I think its the amp.. it makes things sound better, even though its just a humble little toaster amp that used to act as a toy for a chinchilla hehe)

I'm setting goals for myself now.. especially with my added responsibility now. Whether we find a drummer or not, it all depends on fate.... the rest, is our own hard work.

And so..... 10 Things I need to constantly do for the next week:

1) Learn Keyboard and Sing S.B.S

2) Learn Guit and Sing Summer

3) Polish up Guit and Sing Hua

4) Revise Guit and Sing X.N / C.X.T.T / K.C / Z.Y / W.M.U.W.S.E

5) Learn Guit and Sing T.M.O

6) Learn Left hand Keyboard for Z.M.Y.C.J

7) Revise Keyboard and Sing Lydia

8) Refigure out the Rhythm Guit for H.E.A

9) Work on current originals and not neglect them

10 ) Compose more tunes

I want people to see me for what I am

Its not that I think very highly of myself, but I just know that I'm capable of more. I can do alot of things that the people around me now don't know. I haven't had the chance to prove myself as yet... and it doesn't help that so many things have happened (both good and bad) since I joined, and that my direct boss, B, is always flying overseas.

I would like to take on more responsibilities, but so far, its just been the mundane. My brain doesn't feel stretched enough.. and I would love to help more, but its tiring to also ask every single person everyday if they need help with anything. So now I've just parked there and just wait to see if anyone needs me to help, then I'll start on it right away. But more often than not, I get it done in a jiffy.

Boss B was the one who interviewed and hired me, and I know there are many things that he intends for me to do. Definitely not what Boss C has in mind for me, when he came back to Singapore for a few days to handle administrative matters. What do you do when Boss C thinks that you are coming in late and should have proper reporting and leaving work hours, when actually Boss B told you to come in at that late hour?

I certainly hate being misunderstood and being 'underused'. I didn't work so hard equipping myself with all that I have, just to do admin stuff. But right now, I just have to grit my teeth through until the appropriate time comes. In fact, I feel bad too that I leave early every day, as though I'm someone who loves to slack.

Right now.. the timing just isn't right. It will take time for everyone to pick themselves up. Only then... will I try to speak to Boss B, that I believe I can handle more and hope that he can allocate me more responsibilities.

I'll just have to hope now that next week when our department begins on a project, I'll have more to do.

It makes me appreciate my ex-manager who knew my strengths and fully milked me dry of whatever I was or was not capable of. Trying to pick up my depressive thoughts now... its no use drowning myself in self-pity anyway. But I guess it'll take me time.

A Peek Into my Bag

Got Mr b0h to 'shun bian' take these photos for me, since he was so into taking his own bag hehe.

There isn't alot inside my bag.. (especially rubbish haha.. because I just changed to this new bag not too long ago).

The long line of Mayday badges.. by far my favourite badges although some are quite scratched. It beats keeping them in its nice untouched packaging and not using them =P

What's in my bag?

- Water Bottle
- Wallet (Given by my mum years ago)
- Ipod Nano in a Red Pouch from HK and Fish out of Water Keychain
- Makeup Pouch (I got from Taipei and its now pretty dirty looking haha)
- Namecards & silver Namecard holder
- Ezlink card & Neoprint photo in a doraemon card holder given by my mum
- Chicken Little Notebook & Pen
- Fisherman's Friend (Strong Mint)
- Foldable Comb which I don't even use
- Home and Office Keys (with a Schnauzer keychain from my bro and Taz keychain from my JC secretpal which has already lost both its legs)
- The ever essential sanitary napkins that are not suitable to be photographed and placed here so they remain silently in the bag
- Sometimes my jacket which I have left behind at office today.
- And also the camera that we're using to take this photo hehe

Now isn't my bag just boring to peek into?

不知道說什麼好

Another person I know has just passed away. Although I didn't know him for very long, I still felt a sadness, especially when I saw those who knew him best, started to tear. My heart broke for them.. its hard to lose family, a close friend, a confidante...

Another person who is still considered too young to have left this world. But it once again reminds all of us to treasure all the people around us, and to keep ourselves healthy so that we can prolong the time we have with our loved ones.

such beauty and soulfulness

probably its the romantic lyrics.. and the emotion in her voice that brings out everything that the song intended - the feeling of being in love.

She's got such fantastic lyrics, not just in this song. I'm more and more in love with the naturalness of her voice. I used to just listen to her songs for easy listening, but ever since attending her concert with ying, I began to pay more attention to her lyrics.

A musician with such feeling in her music, and a singer who can bring out intensity and gentleness at the same time with her voice.

Just want to share this song called 'something about you' by Corrinne May.

You'll fall in love with the lyrics too......

Dont what you do to me but

Everytime I'm with you its a natural high

its like re-discovering Eden

with chocolate-coated rainbows and cotton candy skies

And everytime you look my way

I wish i had the guts to say

There's something in your eyes

Something in your smile

Something in the way you move me

You make me want to sing

Make me want to dance

Make me want to cry

I'm falling in love with you.

I think i'll hire Cupid

He'll make you see I'm more than your friend

You'll be tossing and turning

Counting the hours till you see me again

And when we meet you'll

Kiss my hand and say the words I've longed to hear

There's something in your eyes

Something in your smile

Something in the way you move me

You make me want to sing

Make me want to dance I'm falling in love with you

You make me want to sing

Make me want to dance

Make me want to cry

I'm falling in love with you.

More lyrics here for anyone interested: http://www.leoslyrics.com/artists/7223/

birthday dinner

Today was my grand aunt's 80th birthday. Such an important day.. that I thought it was only right of me to attend it with my parents. So i blocked out the evening today specially for this.

As we stepped into the restaurant, I saw my relatives, greeted my grandaunt, grandma and relatives before I settled down in a seat, to 'park' there, as I usually do when I attend any dinners. I'm not much of a social butterfly.. so I stick to my seat alot.

From my seat, I surveyed the area, turning my head left and right to see who was seated where.. and it began to feel weird.

Firstly.. I realised that my direct cousins were all not there. Only all my distant cousins.. I mean of course it made sense because they are my grandaunt's grandchildren. But at that point, I did feel a little cheated and odd that everyone else there from my family were my elders.

Then I realised too that I was sort of 'underdressed'.. because everyone else was 'overdressed'? Sort of like what you'll see at a wedding dinner. But then again, if I were to attend a wedding dinner, I'll probably still dress the same way hahaha. Anyway, my parents weren't very dressed up either and since we were not in direct relation to my grandaunt, I think it didn't really matter...

An hour went by before another of my grandaunt arrived, so that we could start the dinner. Boy was I hungry.. because I hadn't had breakfast nor lunch the entire day. And so... the 10 course dinner began, with me once again boycotting the sharksfin soup (why can't people not have this during dinners!) and skipping the yam stuff.

The food wasn't too bad, although it wasn't the best. Filled me just enough, although I could have more. heheh...

At the end of the dinner, there was the 'customary' cake cutting, birthday song singing and photo taking. And soon, I headed outside of the restaurant where my parents had already taken refuge because the restaurant was simply too small for that many people. That was where I was giving out and exchanging name cards hehe.

Well, nothing exciting, except for seeing my dad's face and body turn red from drinking too much red wine.. and everyday telling him that he can't really drink haha. Found out too that one of my older cousins will be getting married in May, but not on my brithday hehe.

Even though I didn't really want to be there, it was a good feeling seeing my grandaunt happy to see me there. And that was really the least I could do... =)

don't think too much

Yup, i've told myself that its really bad to just ignore the guy and not reply. I've got other guy friends as well, so I can talk to him the same way like I talk to other guys.

SH agrees too that maybe he's just too eager to make friends. In this case, people of the same interest and also because we are the first bunch he has ever jammed with.

But can't help feeling that the questions that he asks are pretty weird. Few days back, SH very cleverly asks me to put our photo as my msn avatar (as a hint that I have a bf..), only to invite questions like 'is that your bf?', 'how long have you been together?' and 'what are both of your star signs?'

Then he starts to talk to me about dogs, since of course my msn always does display photos of my dogs, and also because he happens to have a dog as well. And he starts to offer to sell me a shaver for my dog.. or if my dog wants some doggie treats. (hmmmm)

Well, since I told myself to just treat him like any other guy friend of mine.. I didn't ignore him today. He added me on friendster and of course being the kaypoh person I am, I went to peek at his profile. Strange person I must say........ his appearance is quiet but his personality seems dark (quite disturbing images that he puts in his photos and background image). Really tough person to read.

He talked about jamming together again.. and I just tried to talk it off haha. Don't know how to tell him that we probably won't jam with him again but then.. yeah, it all depends.

He has a different personality but then we shouldn't think too much and make assumptions. I believe he will know enough about me from friendster (especially my age! =P and my relationship) to not have any wrong thoughts.

Anyway, I deleted my blog url from my friendster profile and the forum haha. I shall from now, keep my blog in isolation =)

unbelievable....

today, as we were shopping around in a watch shop for my mum's birthday present, a very familiar tune caught my ear.

It stopped me in my tracks because I recognised it as the tune to one of the songs I wrote last year. A whole 2 lines that I could never be mistakened. And in my state of shock, I looked at sh and pointed up asking, "zhou jie lun"?

He replied matter-of-factly, "ya" (of course not really knowing why I was asking him that question).. and also because he always doesn't really remember my demos that I send him to listen *stare* =P

Back home, I searched for the song that may be what I heard today. I've never heard his previous album except for the 2 main songs, fa ru xue and ye qu, so the other songs were totally unknown to me. And I don't listen to radio much either... I couldn't have possibly heard the song before. What's more, I came up with the tune before he released the album and yj even kindly penned the lyrics for me.

Well, I found the song, and listened to the chorus. Then compared it to my demo again. SH of course just burst out laughing while I'm feeling sad that now... the song that I like, I've got to change it. Whats more, its a whole 2 lines of the most important part of a song.. the chorus. I'm at the losing end... against Mr Chou.

sigh....... sigh sigh..........

maybe i should just dump that song.

For my favourite dog

Its just a slice of cake.... because its exactly what I'll get for her every birthday, even with the limited pocket money I used to have in the past. She doesn't eat the entire thing of course (I eat the rest =P) but it was great seeing her happily digging into the cake once each year... a cake that belonged to her and not us.

1st of March 1989. A date I will never forget. I was just 9, and a very special white dog came into my life. If she were still here with me today, she would be 17.

Hope she receives this cake today =).

I miss you Jessie girl... I really do.

Happy Birthday!