tomorrow

its just a day away.. but somehow, it feels like any other day...

what does christmas mean to you? decorations, trees and turkey? or a time when you feel pressured to buy presents for each other? and the time of the year when your boss treats you to a meal and everyone does a gift exchange?

all these, i'm facing this year. my pocket is low, so i got cheapo presents (because we have to buy for every single person in the company).. feel paiseh to even give them but i'm just gonna do it anyway. What to do.. need money to go hk..

But the point is, is this simply what christmas is about?

Last christmas, Da Niu was in hospital and I remember spending time there with him. I got him his favourite transformer collectible even though it cost a bomb.. but I wanted to comfort him with it. It was already bad enough that he was in pain, and his girlfriend couldn't come over to be with him.

That christmas season, we went around carolling for people. I love carolling.. the feeling that christmas songs give to you. The motivation behind running around from place to place just to sing.

That christmas dawn. We were in church. I was with the choir.. but felt lost about the songs that were being sung coz i missed alot of practices as I was spending alot of time at the hospital. We started to sing this hymn... and when we got to "fall on your knees.. oh hear the angel's voices...", tears welled up in my eyes because it was the song Da Niu would always sing when we were younger and he couldn't be there at the mass with us.

Last christmas, was the last time i was with the choir...

This christmas... I still haven't returned although I promised them I would. I just can't find that energy to somehow, my fear of not being able to commit to them. I so want to be part of them for the celebration tonight.. the only way now, is to stand in the crowd away from them, and sing for Him with all my heart.

Midnight.. it'll be christmas.

But now.. its time to go give out my cheapo presents, because its 'company tradition'