If only I could turn back time

Its an odd feeling.. as though I'm not really anywhere.

My life seems to only exist because of Mayday. It seems unhealthy.. but thats just the way I am living right now. I don't wanna get back to my school life.. which really sucks right now because of a sucky lecturer whom I wish I never have to face again in my life. Can't Mayday give me a job? But then again, am I even good enough to be their sound crew?

Feel myself swimming around in a mist. Can't get an attachment.. not sure what to do. I've tried and I'm waiting.. and waiting for another mail to come. Will it come? I want to get that attachment but not appear too pesky at the same time..

I've got a thesis to do.. need to discuss with a lecturer. But first I gotta frame the whole thing properly in my mind.. the thing is... my mind.. its all in a whirl. And I can't make myself step back in school to even go look for a lecturer that I like.

Its as though, I've lost myself. I thought I was pursuing my dreams... am I really? Or have I just been dreaming too much all the while? When i was rational, I had lots of drive. But when I started to dream, I really put my whole self into a cloud... so much so, that I can't see anything anymore.

One word... disillusionment.

That's how i'm feeling right now.

I thought I was going the right way, but circumstances don't seem to be favourable.
I thought I had finally gone to do what I've always wanted, but the people just weren't right.
I thought that just by walking on, the road would lead me somewhere, but the road turned out rocky and unclear.

Now, I just wished I knew what I should do next.

Should I just get out of this dream?.... finish this irritating degree, that I wished I had never taken, that destroyed all the enjoyment of the diploma and the drive I had for recording music, and just get a normal job.... forget abt all the stupid ideas about doing music.

Because, I'm just not good enough. I never was, why did I even think I was?

give me a time machine...............