dried up

don't know why I can't really blog these days. bothered by too much stuff... especially school. But whats new right??

Heart just feels very heavy these days, even though its christmas, I don't feel extremely happy. Last christmas wasn't the happiest one either, was with bro in hospital after his surgery. We didn't even attend the annual family gathering last year, just to spend christmas with bro at the hospital. This year, I'm lost....

I can't even get myself to update the web news ot do any translations. The moment I open Dreamweaver, I sigh and I just close it. sometimes I just feel like leaving the news section to rot.. but then again.. its one of the main attractions of our site, after all the hard work, the brainstorming, the planning, the coordination, the nights and days of rotating shifts as well as tensions undergone to get the whole site up..... I can't let the site just fall apart..

But what can I do now?? I can't even pick up my book to do my research. I don't even wanna really do anything.

Helped mum to cook today, I do love cooking just that I'm often too lazy to carry out such an activity, because when you cook you've gotta wash up after that too. Guess if I wasn't in this down mood, I wouldn't have been cooking.

Hope my mood picks up and I find that drive and energy to start my work once again. And to finally find myself an attachment.. even though I'm worried of being rejected, since males are often preferred as coolies when you do live sound. What kind of world is this?

2005, I don't feel very ready for it... but I'm already near the edge...