Am I becoming more stupid

Sh says its because I never do get enough sleep.. which is on average always around 5 hours of sleep a day.. and alot of weekends, I don't rest either. It could be true, but does sleeping less make you become more stupid?

I see it this way...

The more afraid I am to make mistakes, the more mistakes I tend to make. I was never like this in the past. Maybe its the job that I really hope to progress in and I don't want people to see me make mistakes or do things wrongly. Yet, the opposite tends to be happening. Maybe its still the same as any other job where I made mistakes.. just that I forgive myself less in this job (simply because I treasure it more).

So many times, when I find myself in places and situations that I couldn't even imagine myself in... I wonder why I am priviledged with these opportunities. What have I done in this world to deserve all these? Most importantly, am I clever and fast thinking enough for all these?

One thing for sure... I know I'm not PR enough. I warm up slowly to others and I'm always easily left out (unless someone introduces me to the stranger.. that person remains a stranger to me). This is something I can't help. I'm not there to be a marketing or PR person anyway... thats when I miss the people I'm all so familiar with. Well, all I can hope is over this period where I'll be working closely with this group of people (plus the many more that I am due to meet).. I can warm up more quickly.

Even to him.. it still feels awkward, not knowing what to say even when he's sitting beside me.

I just don't know how to walk into a group of chatting people, and try to get myself involved in the chat... this is something I've never really learnt over the years.

I want to stay on in this job to learn more, to achieve what I could only dream about in the past.. but now its within reach if I know how to clinch the opportunities and work hard, to let my boss be happy with what I am and have done... (yeah, so as to raise my pay eventually). And essentially, I just want to be happy.

Yet, I know I can't always be in my comfort zone. I'm not an outward and extrovert character by nature... I can only hope for pple to know me better. I'm not unfriendly, I'm just quiet.