What is happiness?

Happiness can be biting into your favourite icecream. It can be just having a lazy day in bed or out partying with friends. Sometimes it can be more complex, to the extent of having tons of money or having a dream holiday at a dream location.

But to me, happiness simply means seeing those I care for happy, cheery and healthy. I don't ask for much, but why is it that I still can't find total happiness sometimes?

I hate upsetting people and disappointing friends or family. I hate seeing anyone I care unhappy because of things I have said, whether through misunderstandings, or as a result of things I have done and unwittingly hurt them in the process. You may not believe it, but I have never argued with my friends in my life because wherever I can, I always give way. A friend once described me as very 隨和 (easy-going) because I have no temper.

I DO have a temper.. I just keep it inside me sometimes, bubbling like a dormant volcano deep beneath the earth. I simply don't erupt... if I do, its almost once in a very blue moon.

I always try to keep myself calm and compliant to whatever my friends want to do. They wanna go shopping, I go along, even though I may be bored stiff. Another friend once told me in Secondary school that I should learn to be more fierce so that I will not be easily bullied. But I believe, till this day, I am being 'bullied' some way or another in my life... all because I am always an "OK" person who knows not how to say "No", even if I'm already on the edge of a cliff.

I know that I should learn to be more firm sometimes but then I know too that I have gained many close friendships simply because of this personality that I have developed. A personality that does not ask for much, goes with what everybody else wants, gives in and relaxes whatever expectations and requests that I may have inside, just so that everybody can be H.A.P.P.Y.

I really don't care about myself sometimes. Forget the dreams, forget the aspirations, forget whatever material belongings or expectations. All these don't matter if my friends and loved ones aren't happy. People may hurt me but I usually forget in a matter of minutes, or rather, I choose to forget...

My happiness may be unhealthily built and dependent on others' happiness. So much so that I am lost at times as to what I am really doing for myself that makes me happy.

Damn! if people in war torn countries or poverty stricken regions can find happiness in their lives, why can't we, these urban, so called modern, (un)civilised, thought-to-be-sophisticated and complex creatures, also just be happy?!?

Chill out! What cha yelling for?

Lay back! It's all been done before

And if you could only let it be you will see

I like you the way you are

When we're driving in your car

And you're talking to me one-on-one

But you become Somebody else, round everyone else

You're watching your back like you can't relax

You're trying to be cool, you look like a fool to me

Tell me

Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?

I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated

And life's like this youand you fall and you crawl

and you break and you take what you get

(Avril Lavigne - Complicated)