Random thoughts

So many thoughts on my mind right now, that I don't really know what I'm feeling.

Happy? Confused? Excited? Lost?

The 5 guys are in Singapore now. But the excitment I had in the past is no longer there.

Don't get me wrong, I still admire them lots and crave desperately for every live performance there is. In fact, I crave more for a chance to work with them in the studio.

Maybe thats what got me where I am.

But right now, I'm starting to feel tired again. I love where I am, I love the people around me. But its a culture that I don't really like, its working ethics that I sometimes don't agree with, and its a conservative chinese hierachy that I find it had to adhere to.

I need to be able to make my own choices. I need to be able to control what I am doing.
Rather than depend on the opinion and ok of someone more superior.

Its not something that can be solved even if I try to adapt. The very fact that I'm a girl... I've already lost out in many many many ways.

Do I leave? Do I stay?
If I leave, where do I go?
Is there another place like this, in Singapore?

I realise I tend to feel real down, whenever my boss returns from overseas.

I know i've already put in more than 100% of my energy into working. And should he ever even doubt me again, I know its time for me to go.

The industry is scary. It changes people.
Not into the person I want to be.

I prefer to stay as I am. Maybe thats why the 4 of us sulas can get along so well.

How I wish I could just leave without feeling so unsure. I can't bear to leave, for so many reasons. Yet, I'm tired of being abused and taken for granted. Tired of doing so much, yet to get a rainfall of lectures and scoldings.

If I leave, its your loss. Not mine.

I have a new dream. I want to join their production company. Is that possible? =P
Anyone has ways of finding info on their company, please tell me ya?

=)