January 2007

Can it get any more worse as February comes?

Its been a never ending downhill ride for me. Anything that could happen, has happened.

Everything that I don't want to happen, has also happened.

It started with SH's relapse.. the 2nd time I get on an ambulence with a loved one inside. That was over, but everyday I still worry about the same thing happening at any time, any place, without warning.

Then I fell very sick myself... had the most mcs ever in my life. Good rest but left alot of thing unsettled at work and brought abt another chain of mishappenings.

Right after that, pep actually became sick too. She's never been sick all her life. But it was a good thing, she recovered after 2 days.

What else could happen right? Things oughta get better now, but it got worse instead.

War begun. Tables were turned. There was confrontation, there was denial, and now there is deadly cold silence. It will go on like this everyday for the remaining days of my life, unless there can be a miracle really.

And then the unfortunate incidents of what's now happening at work. Everyday I worry because there's really no room for any mistakes. Every little thing that I do, I'm afraid to get shot for it... but this time, it involves a greater complexity. I can only pray and hope that nothing bad happens because of it. If the cat is let out of the bag, I guess there might just be the end of the job for me.

The burden is really growing. Emotionally I'm tired.
I don't like to live my life in worry.
All I want, is to be happy.
But why is life becoming so complicated?

Sometimes, I can't really smile from my heart these days.