Foolish dreams?

I like talking to my mum. I always feel I have a great mum even though she may get overanxious and worried for me sometimes, but that's how a good mum should be, shouldn't it? Although it irritates me sometimes, but somehow, if I have a talk with her, she will accept and listen carefully to what I have to say.

The opposite can be said about my father =P.

Which is why I think God gave me such a great mother to talk to.

My life is weird, so how many people can accept that? Well, at least my mum can.
Especially for a (i admit) goodie goodie like me, who really just sought to get good grades all my life.. till the end of uni (failing was not even an option). No other mum can accept me giving up an academic life or going into a highly paid job to pursue my intangible and perhaps foolish dreams.

I remember asking her sometime in my JC days, what did you envision me to become? very very frankly.. she told me, "a doctor of course, which parent doesn't like their child to become a doctor? free consultation and medicine"

Although this may be the surface reason she gave, I knew what she really wanted me to do was to prove myself in anything I do, and just to give my best.. then at the end of the day, take care of her of course.

It didn't really matter to her what I did or what I chose. Even after O levels when I wanted to take up theatre in JC, she never opposed.. but my dad wanted to kill me over it. My road into arts started from there and I knew how my dad wished I could have taken the sciences instead, given my results.

Perhaps I am rebellious by nature.. just perhaps I enjoyed going against my father. But all the time, I had my mum's support.

Mum is different. Most mums are housewives or do clerical jobs.. I'm proud that my mum was a policewoman. She always came across as different to me. The years that I would follow her into her different divisions and offices, help her chop her police files while she would carefully censor those with bloody photos of dead people away from me.

She gained alot of respect from me definitely. And even so when she later worked at the girls' home. I admit.. these are jobs that I cannot even imagine myself handling.

If you think my mum is one tough woman.. I can tell you that she's actually an amazingly soft hearted person. She tears at emotional dramas, she cries when we her children talk back to her.. but she is firm and she is accepting. That's why, she is special.

Because she has led a very different life, she is more accepting of my own wish to travel the rugged road. I know she's putting alot of faith in me, to prove myself.

Why am I suddenly blogging about my mum? Because in the past few days, I've been chatting with her alot.. never so much in quite a long while becuase I've been busy rushing around everywhere.

I told her about what I am doing, what I think a job should be like, what is most important to me in my life.. about how I should, at my age, strike out to the unknown.. and if I fail at the end, I can then finally surrender to a 'normal' life (looking for a job with permanent high pay, lots of benefits and lots of leave, as my father would love me to have).

She understood, I knew she did. Thank you mum :). I know why the girls at the home love you so much too.

I really hope I won't disappoint you.

Thank you for today's wonderful and very thoughtful dinner too.